unless you want to piss me off, leave her name out of your perverted mouth
and donβt talk about my gross face after starting that whole mess. youβre the one who dragged me down on top of you in front of everyone!! these people are still talking about it!!!
next time, keep your creepy, dirty desires to yourself!!!!
You idiot, as if I would treat her with anything but respect! You're the one bombarding her with your stink!
I could have happily gone through this place without ever being associated with you but YOU You're the one who shoved your face in front of me!!! All that nose rubbing trying to steal a kiss from me! If anyone's talking about it it's cause you made a scene by
[ he pauses as if coming to a horrifying realization. ]
Oi oi all that time not being interested in women Were you just plotting to get your sweaty palms on me, you sick jerk!?
by the time he reads that last bit, heβs steaming. thereβs no way heβs bothering with texting after an accusation like that, so heβs calling. )
HAAAH?! WHO THE HELL WOULD WANT TO KISS A GUY LIKE YOU?!?
( moshi moshi to you, too. )
Kissing you wouldnβt make a difference to me, so stop trying to confess your love and get over yourself!!!
[ he doesn't need it spelled out for him to understand the underlying tone that comes from that. it hasn't been too long after all since he got roped into an arranged marriage by germa, abandoning his friends and completely defying luffy.
even if he's been welcomed back, having just made their escape from big mom's territory, he still carries the guilt of not only fighting their captain but in beating him down when he hasn't even put up a fight.
does zoro know what happened then? ]
I doubt Luffy's told you to go around putting that nasty tongue of yours down people's throats.
[ ugh, that's a disgusting vision to think about. ]
And he's definitely not telling you to put it down mine, so don't even think about it.
( he knows enough. sanji leaving at all is enough to solidify him in zoro's mind. that's not what you do when you swear an oath of loyalty. knowing more than that would probably have zoro declaring sanji an enemy despite everything. )
I'd rather die than kiss you, shitty cook.
But if my captain asked it of me, I'd do it without complaint. Even if I hated every second of it. Even if it made my stomach churn. I'd do it because I'd do anything that my captain asks! I'd never deny him! I'd never turn my back on him! If you can't do that much, how can you call yourself a member of our crew?!
( leave it to zoro to turn a conversation about kissing into something serious. even if he's [mostly] forgiven him, zoro clearly isn't over it. the rage he feels isn't comically overblown like it usually is; it's real and it's immovable. )
Say something for yourself! Tell me that isn't the kind of man you are! Tell me I haven't been fighting alongside someone who speaks empty words alone!
[ when he'd left, he'd already known which of the crew would scramble to try to get him back, conjuring up excuses in his favor. he'd seen it after all, how luffy and nami-san came racing with chopper and brook behind them. zoro hadn't been there to collect him, but it wouldn't have taken much to understand what might have went through the swordsman's mind whenever he'd learn sanji had left them all.
after all, it'd been a long time since they'd secured an understanding of one another. despite the way they push and pull, the way zoro's sharp edges clash against sanji's smoother ones, or their alternate directions of interests (with zoro's directions persistently getting themselves lost), there'd been an unspoken vow they'd eventually found, about their mutual roles in this crew β protectors of the others, loyal confidence that when one isn't there, the other would be there to hold them together.
for all their rivalry, they'd been equals.
so, of course zoro would despise him for betraying that trust, something silently promised between them β and, in truth, sanji could hardly blame him. he's been swearing at himself since the moment he'd left zou, doubt still present in his heated chest.
even as his arms and fists shake now, he's almost glad that zoro can't see the way he becomes unsteady from the obvious accusation. ]
You don't think I know the crew deserves better!? That our captain does!?
[ he finally snaps with clenching teeth, breathing harder as the blood boils within him. it's hard to tell whether his anger is really directed at zoro anymore. possibly, he's needed someone to accuse him, angry at the way luffy had waited for him, starved for him. even the sting of nami's slap hadn't been enough punishment.
this isn't about kissing anymore. that much is clear. ]
Leaving was supposed to keep them safe. It was supposed toβ I thought I wasβ
[ excuses are empty. excuses don't work on zoro. they have too much respect for one another for that, or at least, they used to, before he broke it. no, there's only room for truth. ]
If it's kissing someone, marrying someone, fighting to the brink of my last breath, dying, I'd do it to protect Luffy. To protect all of them.
[ To protect you goes unsaid, but it's just as clear in the tightness of his voice, convicted with each word. ]
( how had zoro described it back in alabasta? everyone should do what they can with their lives on the line, and then say to the next guy: i did what i could; now it's your turn. if you don't finish it, i'll come and kick your ass.
how is zoro supposed to do that when the next guy isn't there? )
The captain never wanted 'better'! He only wanted you!
( zoro's being deliberate with his choice of pronouns here, loud as they are. none of this is about him. it's all about "us," and "the crew," and "the captain," leaving things like "I" and "me" as far away from the conversation as possible. zoro doesn't have any opinions on the matter. he doesn't. even if his voice is rising and he has to actively tell himself not to crush the snail [?] between his fingers, it's not because he has any person feelings towards sanji and his decisions.
everything he says is nothing more than the channeled spirit of the collective mugiwara. that's all.
part of him wants to make this call a video so sanji will be forced to see his face, but he maintains some respect for the man's pride. he can hear in sanji's voice that he's being affected in some way, so there's no point in humiliating him with the added insult of video. soon enough, they'll talk in person, and zoro might have to fight him for real to release this rage. )
Don't speak about keeping us safe. I don't want to hear that from you. There's nothing we can't face, so don't give me that.
If you believed Luffy to be the man who'll become King of Pirates, you'd know there's no reason to try to protect us on your own. We never needed to be security; we can take care of ourselves. We needed you, useless cook! Without that much, how are we supposed toβ?!
( not about him. not about his feeling of betrayal, and disappointment, and [loosely, distantly, intangibly] heartbreak. that last word isn't something he'd ever, ever put to this, but to think someone he's come to regard as one of his own would blindsight him so thoroughly... that's heartbreaking. it makes zoro a fool for ever trusting him, so it's a good thing none of this is about him. )
[ He only wanted you, as if sanji hadn't already known that, still hearing luffy's cries that he wouldn't take a bite of any food that hadn't been made by his hands, remembering how he happily ate up the meal of all their favorites as if it hadn't been turned to slop by rain. he doesn't need to be reminded of it.
this isn't supposed to be like this. this isn't the way that he and zoro communicate. there should be the swing of metal through the air, the friction of his soles sliding against the ground before his leg lifts, the jam of his knee against the hilt of a sword. they should be gritting teeth as eyes burn, swears shouted to evoke the heat of the fight.
the use of words, of voicing out truth and accusations β this isn't how they do things. not them. but not doing this face to face in this moment means this is all they have, and while sanji at least can spare some of his dignity by hiding his face, he can't disguise the guilt laced in the sound of his voice.
but it also means that zoro can't hide himself either, not his anger and whatever else lives in his rising volume. for someone who's always maintained a steadiness amongst the group while the rest live on unchecked emotion, it's telling that sanji's actions were repulsive enough to have an effect even on him. hearing it in his tone nearly makes sanji sink down, his hand brushing over his face in quiet shame, teeth biting hard on his lip. ]
Of course I did.
[ his voice isn't loud, maybe a part of him even hoping it isn't heard. at least without zoro in front of him, he can pretend he's just talking to himself. ]
I never wanted to leave. I never meant to hide anything. That part of my past was supposed to be gone. It never even wanted me. Not likeβ
[ not like their crew. like luffy. like the pirates on baratie. like zeff. all of the people that made up his real family, the way that germa never could be. ]
You knocked me away. [ he says suddenly, as if something else comes to mind, distant as it reels itself back to his memory. ] Two years ago β Kuma took Luffy's pain and gave it to you. It was supposed to be me and you'd didn't let me. You beared it all by yourself, so why the hell can't I!?
( there are parts that zoro can't fault sanji for, and there are parts that zoro absolutely faults him for.
the past shouldn't matter; they can all agree on that. that's a point in sanji's favor since, after all, there are any number of their crewmates who started off as their enemies at one point or another. so long as a person is loyal now, it shouldn't matter who they were before. zoro would be fine with that if sanji hadn't erroneously chosen his past rather placing faith in his crew to find a way to handle things in the present. that's what zoro would do, at least. if it were him. he'd never leave luffy's side, no matter how great the danger is.
speaking of luffy: )
What are you doing, bringing something like that up now? Are you trying to piss me off further?! Damn it, cook! It's not aboutβ!
( there's the bright, clinking sound of metal against metal, and then there's nothing but silence. )
[ it probably isn't fair to bring up a moment like that after so long, but it's never stopped mattering to sanji. by then, they'd already found equal ground with one another, past the constant frustration he had initially faced to prove that he and zoro could stand on the same footing. but instead of standing side by side that day, zoro had taken on all of the pain on his own, letting himself be the only sacrifice β either because of his own stubbornness or from some belief that sanji couldn't bear it like he could, he can't say, since talking about anything has never been their way.
years later, sanji couldn't even do something as simple as getting married for the sake of trying to prevent pain on his friends. what does that say about his own worth to stand at zoro's side as equals? all his sacrifices did was make things worse, in the end. especially when it turned out, it hadn't even mattered. big mom would have betrayed germa anyway and he'd just be dead. he'd hurt his own captain to play hero and it'd been for nothing.
if he's bringing up the past now, it's only because he knows he can't measure up to it.
but then suddenly, zoro's voice is gone, cut off too suddenly that sanji's left to wonder if the idiot had somehow been talking while walking aimlessly and fell into a hole or something. ]
Zoroβ?
[ it might just be because of the weight of their conversation that he's actually concerned about the silence of it (worried? why the hell would he ever be worried??), disrupted only when eventually a message comes through, the name attached recognizable from when he'd spoken to tsukuyo.
in reading the message, whatever self-guilt that had been bubbling up dissolves to be replaced by directed anger again, the source of how he was able to deliver those words annoying the hell out of him (That hypocritical bastard, I swear I'm gonna send him to hell), and possibly even more heated still because he's now aware of the vulnerability he'd allowed himself in that spare moment. ]
I DON'T NEED TO WASTE MY TIME TALKING TO YOU ANYWAY, YOU SHITTY BASTARD
shut up you're my crew, so you obviously have to talk to me don't be stupid
( which isn't a proclamation of forgiveness; it just is what it is. if luffy says sanji is a member of their crew, that's all there is to it. his own thoughts about it don't matter. even if there was a time where zoro was certain he'd never see that smug, swirly-browed face again [because sanji made his choice], he didn't allow himself to be weighted down by it because luffy said that wasn't happening. if luffy said he'd get sanji, then he'd get sanji.
and he did.
still, it doesn't mean that zoro is done with this. the tension's been broken, but it's going to have to build again. neither of them are finished extinguishing their feelings; he's certain of that.
damn it. why does it matter that it's sanji, anyway? his least favorite member of the crew. the one he tells to die at least three times a day, and that's on a good day. he shouldn't care if he turned out to be a misguided traitor, a person who turned his back on luffy. some part of zoro could have expected it, but he never did. for all his many, [many, many, many] faults, sanji's loyalty was never in question. neither was his dedication, or his compassion, or anything that really mattered.
thinking about this is going to piss him off all over again. )
[ for a second, he considers pointing out that "shut up" and "you have to talk to me" are contradicting statements, proving even further how stupid zoro is, mostly because he's looking for any present excuse to criticize him as a whole just to steer back away from everything he'd just finished confessing.
but the part that he lingers on is "you're my crew", because it reminds sanji that they happen to be the only strawhats present in this city, which means that, whether sanji wants to admit it or not, even more so than all the attractive women he's come across β zoro is the most important person that's currently with him here.
except immediately as the thought snakes through him, he feels the urge to gag so he just pretends it never crossed his mind at all. of course it would be his luck to get stranded somewhere with the marimo instead of nami-san or robin-chan.
minutes ago, he'd dreaded the idea of being in front of him, knowing he couldn't stand having to face the weight of his guilt with zoro's accusations, aware of how justified he'd been to slam him with it. but as zoro makes his offer now, the fire in him ignites, stronger than a craving for a cigarette, hot and burning for it, for the only way they've ever been able to attempt settling their differences, their anger, their trials β fighting it out.
whether it's from the unresolved frustration towards the swordsman or the need for self-inflicted punishment, he wants to taste the cut of blood on his lips, to feel the sting of bruises against his ribs, to hear the animalistic snarl in his own throat. leave it to zoro to be the only one capable of getting sanji to want to be unclean, to be improper, to meet feral with feral. ]
presumably, it was meant to give some sort of landmark or identifying feature to help sanji figure out a way to the ship, but sanji should know by now that any question containing βwhereβ has no business being anywhere near zoro.
which is to say the photo is blurry, and crooked, and zoroβs finger is in the way. thereβs something pale in the background that could be sand? but it could just as easily be a sun glare.
nothing about this is usuable, but zoro still has the audacity to add: )
here
donβt waste my time by being late
forced to write a tag 2x longer than it needs to be bc zoro sucks!!!
[ ..... what the fuck is he supposed to do with this??
no doubt the picture is completely useless, which, really, sanji expected to begin with (though he had hoped there'd at least be a little more to go on, even if he knew exact directions were never going to be a possibility). there's no point in asking for another or for zoro to provide a little more insight on his location, because there's no chance for any new enlightening clues to pop up from that. ]
Shut up. I'll be there.
[ one way or another because at least, unlike zoro, sanji's fairly good at using context clues to make his way around a city and find his way to where he needs to go. the fact that it's a ship is already enough to narrow down that he'll be at the docks, which eliminates everything inland and gives him somewhere to go to begin his search. the travel to the naval quarter isn't too much trouble to start, but narrowing it down from there will require some investigation.
too bad he's already running dangerously low on cigarettes, aware that this hunt could take him all night because of fucking course the marimo would make him work for a damn fight. fortunately, that'll just help to fuel his desire to kick the shit out of him.
sanji makes polite conversation with the locals in the area, slipping into the trident to ask around if anyone's seen a green-haired idiot with a scarred eye and whether they might know where he lives, because chances are zoro's made his presence frequent at the local taverns. he might not get a description of a ship, but he does get a waitress who says she usually sees him heading off in a certain direction whenever he leaves. once he thanks her (and ogles for a minute), he begins to walk in the opposite direction of where she pointed, since he doubts zoro would have ever had good instincts on which way to actually return to.
more questions are asked, more locals are spoken to, gradually gaining pinches of hints here and there, thanks to the way the idiot tends to stand out, and though it takes much longer than zoro might have hoped, sanji eventually comes across a sailor who's seen him appear a few times on a specific ship, even pointing out the exact one, finally granting an end to this scavenger hunt.
at long last, sanji stands on the dock, a nearly burnt out cigarette between his lips, curly brow furrowed with ever heightening frustration, certainly looking like a man who came looking for a fight. ]
( the ship itself isn't anywhere near the size of the sunny, or even merry. it's not a pirating ship, but some kind of battleship made tame. compact, dangerous, full of rooms in need of TLC. and sanji sure is taking his sweet time to get here and check them all out, which means zoro has time to ponder things he generally doesn't like to waste time thinking about. sitting on the deck of the ship, he contemplates drinking beforehand, but decides it's better to be clear-headed if this ends up being the day he actually, finally, really-truly kills sanji.
...
as if he really wants that.
for one, luffy would never forgive him for killing their cook. he'd be beside himself, and zoro can't be responsible for a thing like that. that's the only [only!!] reason he hasn't cut sanji down before: because his captain needs him. everything zoro does, he does for luffy. it's not like zoro needs him. zoro will eat anything; it doesn't have to come from that chef's hands.
while he waits, he flicks his swords from their sheathes and replaces them. over and over, lost in his own thoughts, until he catches a glaring, swirly-browed eye in the reflection of one. it's all the warning he gets before a purple-booted foot comes sailing his way, and he barely has time to block it with the flat of shusui as he leaps to his feet. with the way her leg extends to kick at zoro again and again, her maid's dress should be flying all over and giving people eyefuls, but magically it stays modestly in place. her long hair covers half of her face, but the half that isn't shaded in blonde looks furious. )
You've got a shitty caller down on the deck waiting for you! What the hell are you doing, wasting your time like this?! Be a good host for once and accept his call, moron!
Shut up! I've had enough out of you already!
Is that any way to talk to a lady, stupid marimo?! Accept his call and receive him properly! Do you think you're in any position to turn down a proposal?!
I said shut up! I'm not putting up with any more of this stupid courtingβ!
( the flurry of blades, and kicks, and whipping blonde hair gets disrupted when a fucking anchor comes flying towards zoro. he deflects it by batting it towards the dock, right at sanji, either accidentally or on purpose. )
Receive him, shithead!
Fine!
( he peers over the ledge of the ship, where sanji hopefully has been flattened to a pancake. )
COME GET TEA, ASSHOLE!
What kind of shitty reception was that?! How do you expect to be wed with that sort of shitty attitude?!
[ sanji hopes he isn't here. maybe by some luck, the idiot wandered off the side of the ship and sunk down in the water, pulled down by some heavy chains. it seems such a satisfying thought for a few brief seconds before he realizes the disappointment he'd feel in not getting to bash his heel in his face himself. between that clumsy incident at the ball, the entire living situation with tsukuyo-chan, and the weight of their conversation over his abandonment, sanji has more than enough excuses to want to knock zoro around, and the promise of facing those blades with his boots is the only thing that keeps him devoted to this hunt to find him.
( there's no underlying concern in it, nothing about the subtle worry he'd expressed to tsukuyo about whether zoro had become malnutritioned without him around knowing he'd be doing nothing but drinking booze and ingesting anything without too much care, nothing about seeking the comforting reassurance of having one of his nakama with him in this place, nothing about wanting to look zoro in the eye to make sure he knows that the trust they'd held for one another had never been a lie even if he'd screwed things up β
no, he just wants a fight to fuel his anxious frustration through something and be rewarded with the idiot's bloody face beneath his heel. )
when he hears a pair of screaming voices, he briefly wonders if it's tsukuyo on board, before he sees a flashing blonde blur over the side that strikes him with a different kind of familiarity that he can't immediately put his finger, not before he's immediately sidetracked by the suddenly flying anchor that shoots right in his direction. ]
That fuckingβ!
[ he swiftly hops up, long legs spinning through the air as his body swirls with power, just in time for his foot to meet the anchor right before it collides into him, batting it back out across the water, far enough into the distance to not see where it lands.
heaving from the surprise when he lands back on the dock, sanji looks up just in time to see zoro peering over, his own teeth gritting hard as he loudly groans his annoyance. ]
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!? [ he hops again, cheating with his skywalk, pressure beneath the bottom of his toes as he climbs to hop on the ledge of the ship. ] Are you trying to fucking killβ!?
[ β ah! he stops, visible eye widening as his sight sets upon the other present company, cheeks turning a rosy shade looking over her (the resemblance not quite becoming apparent). ]
A ladyβ!? [ just how many does this idiot have on board with him???????? ]
( the 'lady' in question changes so quickly, it's inhuman. probably because she isn't human, or maybe because she's modelled after someone who experiences mood shifts just as violent when it comes to how they treat men and women. case in point, the maid goes from tearing zoro a new one to whipping around and smoldering sanji with a love-struck, heart-eyed gaze. she's the model maid, bowing at the waist, smiling with her whole body, preparing to cater to sanji's every need. )
Pray you excuse my brute of a charge, My Lord. His manners evade him at times. He lacks the grace and charm that you clearly exude. May I take your coat?
( whatever magic that makes her tick doesn't allow her to realize that she's looking at a mirror image of herself. more beard, less boob, same curled brow, same willingness to do anything for the opposite sex. she's too loveblind by seeing a handsome man to take in the fact that she's seeing a version of her from another dimension.
zoro groans, because now there's two of them when one was already more than enough, and his maid's demeanor changes again: )
What the hell are you huffing and puffing for?! You should be honored that someone so beautiful would want to spend time with your shitty ass!
Get out of here already!!
And leave your ass unchaperoned?! Like hell!
( if it wasn't clear before that they can't fight here, it's more apparent than ever. zoro was worried about the logistics, how small his temporary home is compared to the largeness of his need to battle. when they fight, they fight with their whole souls. a boat like this would be collateral damage, and he can't have that. more pressingly, he can't stay on this boat without his dumb, stupid retainer insisting that they eat crumpets and hold hands, so they need to leave. zoro needs to leave, at least. if sanji wants to hang back and flirt with his reflection, that's on him. )
Don't follow me, ( he says to his heated retainer before leaping down onto the dock. there's other stuff around here. there's a whole fight club, from what he's heard. he can find a place that hasn't been co-opted by his crazy maid, and he can break sanji into a million pieces. )
[ just as she seems to transform, so does sanji, a natural, instinctive response that never seems to take much thought at all, as if simply a reaction of muscle memory or well trained impulse, as his annoyed demeanor transforms into an excitable one, all warm cheeks and smiles as he admires the woman in front of him β too caught up in the sheer presence of a woman that he doesn't consider the reflective qualities she seems to bear. ]
I take no offense, my lady. I'm very familiar with this uneducated oaf's rude behavior and I know it bears no reflection on how lovely you seem to be.
[ natural. habitual. where not even the anger he holds for zoro seems to prevent his usual behaviors, even if all it really takes is a mere glance back in the swordsman's direction to feel the scorching fire in his soul again, especially as he's forced to listen to him talk with that attitude. ]
Oi, oiβ! [ before he even has a chance to criticize him on his etiquette in a woman's company, the other man already seems to be off, leaping back off the ship right from where sanji had just come from. ] Wait a damned minute, you bastard!
[ back to the maid β ]
Please excuse me, sweet miss. [ even in a hurry, he'll sneak in a forward bend to press a gentle kiss to her hand. ] I'll be sure to make him beg on his knees for forgiveness later for his ugly manners.
[ which has him immediately spinning on his heel to take off after zoro, hopping quickly back onto the dock and darting after him, knowing if he loses a second, the idiot will just get himself lost. ]
Shithead! Slow down! You realize the damn hunt you put me through to find you because you're too stupid to give one simple direction!? Where the hell do you plan on going now?
( he only slows down when can't hear the sounds of two sanjis schmoozing at once. it's enough to make him sick. it's shitty cook overload, and he has to leave before he loses his lunch over it.
it's true that he'd managed to get absurdly far. the way he wanders, it's something worth studying. in the blink of an eye, he can be halfway across an island in the wrong direction, and no one would be the wiser. )
What the hell are you talking about? You took forever because you can't follow simple landmarks. Don't put that on me.
( he took a perfectly acceptable photo of the ship and he won't be told otherwise.
when he looks around, he frowns. in truth, he was simply looking for a place to fight, a place with lots of room to struggle, and strain, and scream, but this being a city and all, places like that are in short order. it's all the more reason to get back home as soon as possible: he's not built for posh, big dress, wig-wearing city life.
but this place should be good enough. beyond the docks, the grassy area between the beach and the city, it works for him. he can see his ship in the near distance and he can see sand over his opposite shoulder. best of all, there are no people here on this path, so he doesn't need to worry about others getting in his way. )
[ it doesn't take much for sanji to catch up, long legs and all, especially when he's got the experience of chasing after zoro enough times to know the routine, to the point that he briefly gets caught up in just trying to catch him before remembering he's supposed to be preparing for a fight with him. ]
Are you still that much of an idiot? Nothing about that picture was simple. You might as well just have sent me a picture of your middle finger and it'd have been the same message.
[ why the hell does he put up with this? and more importantly, why does he still care?
they're in this city without their crew, without their captain, so really, sanji has no obligation to play babysitter to whatever stupidity zoro wants to get up to, whether he's off getting lost or drinking booze until he passes out or moving in with other women. he shouldn't give such a damn if he's not eating well enough or whether he stays out of trouble enough to not get himself killed or whether the man is still simmering in quiet hatred towards him.
sanji shouldn't care, but that's always been the problem with him. the fact that he can never help but care, and even with every insult he can spit and swear in zoro's direction, he cares about that damn bastard as his nakama and being separated from the rest of their crew doesn't change that. if anything, it makes the feeling more prevalent in his mind, an awareness that keeps the anger heated and swelling in his chest once zoro stops and they seem to have settled on a proper enough spot for their battle.
he stands a decent distance away, enough to look him in the eye with a sternness that quietly evokes the seriousness of what he intends, the curl of his brow furrowing tightly.
without a word, he tugs off his jacket, giving it a fairly careful fold before laying it on the ground beside him. hopefully it won't get dirt on it, but he'll be cleaning it again later anyway. when he straightens, his fingers go up to his tie, loosening it just slightly before he plucks the remaining nub of his cigarette from his lips and drops it to the ground, his heel crushing the faint embers left in it. ]
If we have to keep it going until I finally send you to hell, that's fine by me.
( generally speaking, zoro would define himself is a man without much to say. he isn't overly forthcoming with his words when there's no reason for it. he isn't boisterous and he isn't open, not like his captain. that isn't his role in things. there's enough of that already. even in their ragtag crew, everything has its place. if it doesn't seem that way from the outside, you're not looking closely enough.
that's why sharing his thoughts so freely before is something of an anomaly for him. he can name off the people on his crew who have a right to be so emotional, so reckless with their thoughts, and he isn't among them. zoro is discipline... yet he can't bring himself to regret his words. he only doesn't like how impassioned they were. it makes it seems as if he cares about the cook and whether he stays or goes.
he doesn't. and if he does, it's not for personal reasons. it's not because he cares; it's because luffy cares.
when you join a crew, you make an oath. the fact that sanji went back on that isn't the problem; it's the fact that he disobeyed luffy. there's no room for anything else. there's no room in his mind. there's no room in his heart. there's no place for feeling anything that isn't his goals and the goals of his captain. that's it.
that's it. that'sβ )
I lost my faith in you.
( ...it's going to come out from some other place, then. )
You're not the man I thought you were.
( he didn't agree for those words to pass into the air. )
I'm going to cut away every part until I find a man I can trust beneath the surface.
( it's happening of its own accord, apparently. if he shoves a hilt between his teeth, will that stop the sound? ...no. this loud part of him is just going to talk around it. three swords feel like home, [a bit like sanji may have at one point], one in each hand, one on his tongue, easy and controlled. as it should be. he'll survive this. )
Until then, don't even think about offering me your food. I won't eat it!
( as zoro rushes him, he's sure he means it. he thinks of every great meal made by sanji's hands, and he slashes their image in half against the very real figure of sanji here in the present. there's structure. there's always structure when zoro fights, but there's no relief. he's not letting up, not giving sanji a chance to back out [again] and run away [again] and abandon him [again] to defend a crew all on his own. sanji is going to face him, look the consequences of his actions in the eye, and bleed for them. )
[ sanji already faced luffy on the battlefield, confronted by the other man's insistence to not put up his own fight, stubbornness triumphing in the face of sanji's insistence to come through with his own sacrifice. his own pursuit to avoid being a burden to his crew had instead opposed the reality, one where the bottom of his heel had slammed against his own captain's teeth and all of his intentions had proven to be a reflection on more of what he had tried to grow away from β the fate of his own uselessness.
he knows where luffy stands, knows that despite the weight of his own flaws, his captain would smile brightly, showing off that newly missing tooth and say "that's just how you are", as if everything sanji had wanted to bury in the ground had been exactly what he needed to grip tightly to all along.
and that had been that β except it wasn't.
because proving himself to luffy isn't proving himself to zoro. for all that zoro follows every bit of luffy's beliefs and faith, there's the sliver of an exception where zoro simply doesn't forgive, because even with every vow of "anything for my captain", sanji's aware that beneath the loyal pride of a first mate is also a man who stands on his own values. with zoro, everything is for luffy, but not everything is luffy, and it's that part that stands before him now on the field, the part that speaks out a rare honesty, the part that tests him in this fight, the part that's all raw strength and skin and sharp metal.
because sanji already knows luffy's words. these aren't his. he already knows the rest of their crew has accepted him back. this isn't their test.
this fight isn't about their crew, about their captain, about their nakama. this is about them.
this is about zoro and sanji. ]
Then I'll show you exactly who I am.
[ because sanji is no longer buried under the weight of his past, drowning himself in the flood of his own excuses, pitying himself for his lack of worth, but he hasn't yet shown zoro. he isn't forgiven for his doubt, for his betrayal, but apologies don't come from words. they come from the way his own feet begin to race against the dirt as zoro charges forward, his own body rushing to meet him halfway. it's spoken in the burning flame that bursts around his legs before he pushes his weight through the air, letting the focused pressure of haki at his knee clash against the strong, exerted force of metal, the impact stretching out from their collision across the field of grass around them like a storm. ]
don't talk about this place as if you know anything
this is the third world like this that tsukuyo has ended up in they don't let you leave without playing along that's why going in our usual way would be too easy
so if playing dress-up and getting married is what it takes to get back our captain, then that's what i'll do
i don't have time to let pride get in the way of that
It's not about pride, it's about protecting a woman's heart!
[ which will always be more significantly important for him to do, no matter the circumstances or atmosphere. this place may be a game to lady pheme, but it isn't to him. ]
( wow, zoro just came to make a friendly suggestion about a restaurant. how is this all getting turned back onto him? truth be told, he should have known better than to talk to sanji about anything at all. what is it about tonight that had him willing to bother? )
that has nothing to do with you
it's not as if you asked for my permission before running off to marry your woman
[ it's not as if they're capable of having a normal conversation. they'll always need to find something to argue about, and if they aren't arguing, they'll get into a fight, and if they're not fighting β well, then they end up doing other things that sanji doesn't want to talk about. ]
No, and someone was still mad about it when I came back.
[ not to bring up zoro's betrayal/spite/jealousy/whatever again. ]
if you're going to take that shit lightly, don't bother talking to me
( 'mad'?
a word like that doesn't even begin to describe how zoro was feeling at the time. granted, zoro knows he shouldn't have been feeling anything at all for sanji, as much as he hates him, but they should both know by now how much underlies the 'hatred' between them. to think it wasn't a mutual understanding but something one-sided, nothing more than zoro's expectations impressed upon sanji's form... does sanji not understand him at all? )
[ it's not that sanji doesn't take that entire situation seriously, but he's prone to being defensive (which seems to multiple by a thousand when the person he's raising his defenses against is zoro) and maybe he's the one feeling a little frustrated right now. because it's also not that sanji actually cares about whether or not zoro decides to get married (even if he'd pity anyone he ended up married to), but there's a sliver of annoyance over the hypocrisy in it, especially when it's meant to toss sanji's own significant values to the side against zoro's stubborn insistence that he always knows what's right.
maybe he'd also thought he and zoro were of the same mind in this, finally, valuing the loyalty to the crew first, only to be met with zoro speaking so casually about a life here β getting married, opening up a restaurant β and then summing it up as part of some big plan as if it could be that simple.
so, yes, better to just forget it.
even if he knows he isn't being fair either. not when they'd put everything into that fight before to address this thing between them without a proper description. because mad isn't the word, but zoro's always been the one thing he could never squeeze into a single word, not with the weight they carry between them β for luffy, for the crew, for each other.
it's this same thing that allowed for the events in the carriage to even happen at all. because there's a complexity to it, layers beyond 'mad' and 'hate' and 'betrayal' and 'loyalty', which don't carry any single word or a thousand.
and it's all of this that keeps spinning in his thoughts after his Fine because, no, it's not fine, and damn it, why the hell does that idiot always find a way to stay so persistently in his head??
so, eventually, when he's had the chance to let the immediate fumes fizzle out, ]
Even if it's just to play by the rules, you shouldn't have to throw yourself into doing things if your heart's not in it. When I thought I had to get married for the sake of doing right for the crew, I was wrong and I ended up miserable for it.
( like tsukuyo, this isn't zoro's first time in a land apart from the blue sea, in a world where no one's even heard of the all blue, or the grand line, or devil fruits, or anything else from back home. last time, zoro was fortunate enough to show up in that place with the majority of his crew, Luffy included, so nothing felt out of place. even if they were in a world completely different from their own, Luffy made it feel like just another adventure, and zoro had no cause for concern.
now, Luffy isn't here, and zoro's counting the days [fifty-six at present] until he shows up here, or zoro shows up there, or some third option that his mind isn't capable of considering, like maybe they all show up in a new place altogether and Strawhats are reunited as one again.
until then, zoro has no choice but to do his best, and that includes things like keeping sanji in line.
if/when luffy arrives here, he wouldn't want to see either of them miserable. he wouldn't want sanji to miss out on the things that make him happy, like women, or dances, or a restaurant, if he has the opportunity for it. like hell is zoro asking sanji to turn his back on the crew by making their lives here something permanent. a thought like that could never fit into his mind. but, until things are back how they should be, zoro doesn't want to see sanji holding back.
...
so how did they end up back here? ever since sanji arrived in this place, it's as if all roads lead back to this, and them, and who they are, and what they're meant to be to one another. there are times where zoro's certain they understand each other as protectors, as the ones who stand up and take the hits, in a way that no one else ever could, but then there are also moments, like this one, where zoro is left doubting everything he ever thought he knew of the cook. did he just imagine those years of camaraderie?
weeks have passed between what happened in the carriage, and neither of them have made the effort to speak on it. have they come to a silent agreement that nothing happened? is zoro alone in seeing that moment as another part of the complicated dichotomy that makes up who they are?
he shouldn't be relieved to get something more than 'fine,' but he is. )
no it's not
( ... )
she's more than
( ... )
come over don't want to do it like this
( talk about it, her, by just typing letters. it's too reductive, even if he doubts he'll be able to do much more with his actual words. )
[ why does this keep happening? ever since he's shown up in this place, finding zoro in his company, they seem to stumble into saying the kinds of things they'd normally leave entirely unspoken, left either to interpretation or the assumption that none of it exists at all. it was supposed to be a lot easier that way, to let themselves speak through nothing but a fight.
but now words seem to be inviting themselves into forcibly being used to describe whatever the hell it is that goes on between them. if it's talking about women, sanji would have no problem coming up with a lengthy overly descriptive poem to describe his thoughts, his values, his feelings about them, but when the topic becomes anything to zoro, he finds himself stumbling to box it into anything that's verbal language beyond a plethora of insults.
and if he's terrible at it, zoro's typically much worse. which is why it's not entirely a surprise when the messages he gets are a jumbled pattern of incomplete sentences.
it might be a mistake, doing this talking thing, but β ]
Where are you?
And don't give me a shitty map. I'm not gonna spend the next five hours trying to find you.
( rather than draw a map, zoro sends over a photograph of the schedule he'd gotten upon first arriving here. it shows his classes, his learning outcome, and... the part where his room number is within the west hall is inconveniently covered by a glare of candlelight from somewhere in the room. it's hard to tell if that's a 1, or an 11, or a series of l's... )
no one's asking you to five hours is too long to wait around for your sorry ass
[ β why the hell does he always have to make his life so much harder? ]
If you can't tell me the room number, at least tie a damn shirt or something around the door handle so I know it's yours. I'm not knocking on everyone's rooms to find you.
why the hell do i have to be the one to do extra work??
do you want to talk to me or not???
( but, fine, whatever, zoro's signature bandana will be hanging from the front of his door by the time sanji comes around. dumb curly-brow can't even find a room without zoro's help... )
Stop bitching when you just have to wait there while I go looking for you, you bastard.
[ which is the last sanji will say on that, hoping that zoro could at least follow some simple directions to save both of them a lot of time. it does take a bit of squinting (with plenty of mumbled swears under his breath) to get a better read of what the number in the photo could be, but he makes his best educated guess and starts his search from there, mostly keeping an eye out for something on the door handles that could narrow down his options.
thankfully, the hunt doesn't take anywhere near the lengthy time it took to find the boat, managing to catch sight of a familiar bandana in about ten minutes.
hoping zoro didn't get lost in the process of actually placing said bandana and slipped it on someone else's door by accident, sanji sighs with an exhale of smoke from the cigarette hanging between his lips as he knocks. ]
( how hopeless does sanji think he is? sanji makes it sound like he can't take two steps without getting lost or something, and that's just not like him at all. zoro's direction is fine; it's everyone else who has a problem.
still, if the cook really is on his way, there's no point in zoro getting settled down or anything. he shouldn't get comfortable if he's going to have someone over, even if it is his nemesis. instead, he should do the proper thing, like straighten up. he doesn't have enough possessions here in this place to come close to creating a mess, but he makes sure all his alcohol bottles are in a row, and that his swords look their best from where they're leaning against a wall. receiving gentleman callers, lecture one.
when he actually answers the door, his face is a bit red from a night of partying. alone. it's still a party if you're alone! why would zoro want to party with other people when his captain isn't here? it wouldn't be the same, so he grabbed as much alcohol as he could and shuffled off his his room to drink in peace.
so, appearance-wise, he really looks like he took five shots and then laid down for a nap afterwards, because he's got the imprint of a pillow on his cheek, and his fine-pressed clothes are all wrinkled. that doesn't bother him, though. he wouldn't have that problem if he was in his normal clothes instead of this stupid uniform... )
Don't think I'm going to be impressed because you followed simple instructions.
( 'come on in, mi casa, su casa,' is what that translates to. )
[ honestly, zoro could look much worse, sanji thinks, and he knows this because he's seen zoro at his worst and at this best and everything in between. though zoro still seems out of place in his uniform while sanji seems like he was fit precisely for it, he at least seems clean, even if sanji can catch a good whiff of the booze from the moment the door opens. not that he's one to complain with his own stink of nicotine. two peas in a pod, as always. ]
Not like I came all the way over here just to get some praise from you.
[ the routine weightless banter is a good thing. it's a sign that they're not as tense with one another as they could be. which means having a conversation ... could be possible. maybe.
he shuffles inside, his eye only vaguely gazing over the room, since he hardly cares about its condition. the fact that it's decently organized is more telling that they're without their crew than anything else, lacking stocks of food stored in hidden compartments for luffy's late night snack needs, medical books piled high from chopper's casual reading, knick knacks in clustered piles for inventions usopp had yet to create, blueprints for a new vehicle that franky would charge into battle, or pages of sheet music for new songs brook would hope to sing. the boys were always crowded in their rooms, enough for sanji to complain about it more often than not (preferring to bunk with nami-san and robin-chan, if he could), but it was home.
for being in his supposed dream paradise, sanji misses them more than he could properly say. just as he would never say that having zoro with him here helps ease the loneliness and pain of that distance more than that idiot would probably ever acknowledge.
but he'd never say that.
instead, he just takes a seat on the edge of the bed, pinching the cigarette from his lips to breathe out yet another sigh. ]
( sanji is here because zoro invited him and sanji turned up.
that should have been expected.
there's never been a time when zoro looked for him and he wasn't there, barring that time when it was exactly like that, and sanji was gone, and luffy and the others went off to find him. it's hard to think of things in terms of what's normal and what's not when sanji's actions upheaved zoro's sense of normalcy so abruptly. it's like when usopp left, sort of. nothing was right for a while, even when they had to pretend that it was. zoro could have invited him here and sanji could have disappeared again, ran off on his own, alone, against luffy's wishes, again, because he doesn't know luffy's wishes at all, and the last thing luffy would wish for is to see sanji trapped out of misaligned duty. how could luffy ever be happy with a thing like that weighing in his heart? how could any of them everβ
zoro's saying that's enough of that topic for now, since that isn't why sanji is here. on the one hand, zoro doesn't feel obligated to explain jack shit to sanji. on the other, as his nakama, there's no one zoro wants to talk to more.
he sits on the bed across from him, on his roommate's bed, [the roommate that zoro paid absolutely no attention to], and reaches for one of the bottles that still has something in it. )
I'm marrying Tsukuyo. And unlike you, I don't fall in love with every woman I lay my eyes on. She's the only woman I'll ever want, so this isn't just about getting us all closer to going home.
[ it's quieter in the room than it feels like it should be, because when he's with zoro, everything is about chaos and noise, about fighting at the top of their lungs, about groaning their frustration, even about being surrounded by all of their friends who happen to carry their own sense of liveliness.
but right now, it's just them, managing patience and willingness, an effort to understand, that sanji can hear the bed sink beneath zoro's weight as he sits down and even the breath he takes before he finally speaks out what's needed to be said.
for a moment, sanji wonders if he should be more surprised. but the hints had been there, from the moment annie had mentioned something between those two, to zoro's defensiveness of tsu-chan against his interactions, to the entire living situation that sanji had insisted he was somehow keeping in line by moving himself in. that part doesn't bring any surprise. sanji had predicted the marriage bit already.
it's the rest of it that makes him still, that keeps him staring at zoro in that pensive silence, brow a little furrowed to suggest the collecting of his own thoughts. ]
βthe hell do you mean by that?
[ he mutters, quietly albeit a little annoyed. cigarette still between his fingers, he brings up a hand, rubbing it against his temple as he closes his eyes, sighing yet again. he feels like he'll lose all of his breath with how much zoro's words and actions seem to keep drawing it all out of him. ]
he can feel the way that his words aren't enough to convey what he's feeling, as told by sanji, apparently, just not getting it at all. it's only because they're not those kinds of people. Luffy is the one who says what he means without fear, with his whole heart, no matter how asinine or genuine they might be. zoro leaves that sort of thing to Luffy, and it works out for him. their thoughts and beliefs are in alignment so often that zoro doesn't have to worry about his feelings being misconstrued. He's the sort of captain who understands when it's important, and they always understand each other when they need to.
for a while, zoro had assumed he and sanji were the same way. they both just get it, so there's no reason for them to have moments like this where they say it out loud. when did that change? was it before those years apart? after he left the crew? when he returned? )
What I do has nothing to do with you, so it doesn't matter. I don't need your permission, or your blessing. I'm only telling you this as a courtesy, not because I owe it to you...
So, focus on things that make you happy while we're here. I'll take care of Lady Pheme.
There you go again! Talking about permissions! It's not about that, you idiot!
[ sanji rises back up on his feet before he can stop himself, feeling that pang of frustration building in his chest, tight and swelling. it has to be for the same reason it always is, that anything zoro speaks about anything, it's only natural to feel annoyed, to want to kick that dumb face until it's unrecognizable.
except it's not, and he knows it's not.
his teeth are clenching tight, cigarette practically broken in half at this point. his visual eye certainly appears angry, that curly brow furrowed intensely, but there's a noticeable hurt in it too. ]
You can't give me that shit about permission and blessing when we're talking about you and then suddenly talk about what makes me happy.
[ of course sanji's permission isn't needed. he's not luffy. he's not zoro's captain. but it's not about that, it's never been about that.
and before he can bite his tongue to keep the next words from slipping out of his mouth β ]
You really think that I don't care about just making sure you're happy too!? Does that make no difference!?
( sanji jumps to his feet so quickly that zoro has to do the same, bracing himself for one of sanji's attacks. he doesn't have his swords on him, but he should be able to withstand sanji's leg if he employs his haki and moves at the right moment. his swords aren't that far away, so he might able to dodge and grab them without being hit at all. maybe, if sanji comes at him from the left, he can dodge right, under the arch of his leg. if he sweeps low, zoro can probably... no, there's not enough room for that sort of dodge, but he could still, maybeβ
why isn't sanji striking out at him?
that's more confusing than the words he's saying, which is hard to beat because sanji's words make no sense at all to zoro. he wants to respond, but he wants to slice him in half for being an utter moron. he doesn't get to speak lightly about this sort of thing.
seriously, where does zoro begin? happiness? since when does sanji care about his happiness?)
...Damn it, Love Cook.
I already told you: she's the only woman I'll ever want. Don't make it sound like being with her is some kind of death sentence... And don't talk to me about joy when it's clear you don't know what would make me the happiest.
Stupid, of course I don't think that about Tsu-chan.
[ in reality, this has nothing to do with tsukuyo. even in the short time of living in the same boat with her, sanji has grown to like her plenty (even outside of the fact that he likes any woman easily without much effort) and whether or not it'd be easy to imagine zoro settling down with anyone at all, it's not difficult to assume he has plenty of care for her. besides, zoro wouldn't do something if he really hated it (he can brag about doing just about anything out of loyalty, but even sanji knows that zoro listens to his own gut when it actually matters), so there's no concern that this would be any kind of torture.
no, what frustrates sanji to his core is the idea that zoro really believes it wouldn't matter to him. to be told out of mere courtesy rather than the idea that, as nakama, sanji would want the best for him. ]
You think I don't already know that the minute we find Luffy again, you'll tell him that Tsu-chan's a good woman so we can take her with us? That nothing's more important to you than Luffy's support? That being with the crew and making sure we're all doing what we set out to do is what matters for you?
[ he scoffs, plucking his broken cigarette from his mouth to toss to the floor, the bottom of his heel stomping it out as he charges the few steps forward to snag zoro by the collar. ]
Did what I do really shatter your trust in me that much? Do you think that I don't know you at all?
[ that he doesn't care?
such as the way that zoro works out across about eighty percent of his waking hours and that sanji specially prepares his rice to make sure to maximize his intake of recovered energy so he doesn't exhaust himself and his unsweetened tea to specifically help reduce the soreness in his muscles so his body doesn't ache. or that, while he keeps every bit of consumable food locked away outside of dining hours, sanji will always leave out a good bottle of sake because he knows it helps relax zoro's mood before he dozes off. ]
Stop acting like you assume I don't give a shit about you!
[ even if he'll say that he doesn't a thousand times over. the point of what they are is to know that those words don't have truth to it. they're supposed to already know. that's why he's never had to say it before now. ]
( sanji lays out zoro's plan so precisely, so easily, that there's not anything zoro can say to combat it. from gaining Luffy's support to ensuring everyone achieves their dreams no matter what it takes, sanji reads him like a book. that shouldn't be a surprise, sanji knowing the core of how zoro works, how his mind operates, how he sees the world, and articulating it all with ease.
that might piss him off more, the casuality of it all. there's so much inside of zoro at this moment, he doesn't know how to stop it from boiling over. sanji isn't bothering with that same restraint, not bothering to keep his words inside, because zoro has once again driven him to action. the tight sensation around his neck from a collar pulled taut says that sanji is past the point of holding back.
if that's the case, so is zoro. )
You wouldn't forgive me so easily if it were the other way around. If I was the one who left you.
( past the point of no return, he's scrapping away all the top layers of their crew until it's come down to something as raw as 'you' and 'i,' neither of which feel as organic to him as 'us'.
zoro's faith in sanji is shaken, and he has doubts, and he's teetering on the edge of disillusionment, but he's not going to told he's absurd for that. 'the other way around' is impossible to fathom, but in a universe where it could happen, and that it does, zoro doubts sanji's faith wouldn't be just as debased, that he wouldn't spend just as much time debating his own uncertainty.
still, how many times are they going to have to have this same argument? they 'talked' about it on the phones, and then they fought over it, and now they're talking about it again. )
How can you talk about leaving and talk about knowing me in the same breath? If you knew me at all, you'd know this would be the only result!
( he shoves sanji away to give himself some room, and because he doesn't want sanji anywhere near him, and because he hates him. he follows that up with grabbing sanji's nice, fancy top with both hands and shaking him, just to show how much he doesn't want to be near him.
we all have someone that we hate so much, we just have to pull them closer. )
If you ever gave a shit, then say it, bastard! Say that I'm your crew and you need me like I need you! Otherwise, there's no point! There's no reason to belong to a crew if you aren't willing to believe in me!
[ the changes in zoro's words from their previous conversations doesn't go unnoticed; sanji has always recognized that when zoro expresses himself, he typically doesn't, instead articulating that everything is either about the crew or about luffy, even when it isn't. but there's no division in this argument which is what contributes to the shudder that runs through sanji now, feeling the personal weight of something left unfinished swimming its way back to the surface.
he knows he isn't wrong in the assumption of a reversal, no matter how impossible the scenario. even in reality, sanji hadn't been the first to leave the team, either, remembering the way they'd all been shaken by usopp's choice to confront luffy in battle and depart. that had taken time, too, for usopp to determine his own role on their crew, to step back up with a certainty of his loyalty rather than simply be offered a welcoming hand before the time was ready.
even if sanji had been desperate to stop the escalation of the fight then, he and zoro had been of the same mind then about the result and what needed to be done.
it's no different here. their fight isn't over. but this time, putting it to the test with boots and swords won't make it go away. the usual methods don't work here, but that's not what zoro's asking for.
say it.
not for luffy. not for the crew. for zoro. but maybe β maybe for sanji, too.
sanji doesn't even try to fight off the strength of those hands when they grab at him, letting the grip reel him in even as he clenches his teeth and nearly hisses like he's ready to put up his defenses in a battle. except when he grabs at zoro's arms, it isn't a counter, his fingers curling around each of his wrists to hold on rather than to try and yank him away. ]
Idiot, of course I need you! [ it's shouted with exasperation and anger, but there's ache in it too, carried on by the guilt that still dwells in him. idiot, he calls him, but zoro has every right to have not believed it. not when sanji had done the very thing to let him down, to make him believe that he hadn't been needed.
they trusted one another, to fill the space the other couldn't, to set the balance, and sanji had broken it. ]
I shouldn't have left. I should have asked for help. I know that! But I came back because I needed my crew! Because it's supposed to be the two of us!
[ he belongs with his nakama, all of them. but his love for the rest of the crew isn't what's on trial right now. ]
You and I β we're supposed to be Luffy's wings, and if one isn't there, then we all fall. [ his fingers squeeze tighter, hands shaking. ] I left you to fall when I doubted myself. I know that shouldn't be forgiven. But I came back, Zoro. Because things only make sense when it's me and you β together. Because I need you just as much as you need me.
( back when usopp left the crew all those years ago, zoro was the last one to allow him to return. it wasn't anything personalβzoro likes usopp as much as he likes any other member of their crewβbut there's something about this life of pirating that zoro isn't willing to let slide, something that conflates his sense of what it means to be a man with what it means to make a promise to someone. you don't get to come and go as you please. when you make an oath to join a crew, you have to stick to it. even if luffy leads his crew in a laidback way any other time, he has to understand that.
eventually, usopp came around and apologized, which made things all right in zoro's book, but he couldn't settle for anything less. had usopp come along with nothing to say for himself, casually, like nothing ever happened, zoro wouldn't have been able to accept it.
and usopp isn't half as close to him as sanji is.
granted, zoro isn't placing all of his crewmates on a scale of importance to him. if asked, he'd likely say that everyone is equal in his eyes, even if that isn't entirely true. everyone is important to him and entitled to his protection, but he has attachments and feelings like anyone else. he'd be hard-pressed to admit a thing like that, though, and what he's doing now doesn't count. admitting the way he needs sanji, making it clear that his world doesn't work unless sanji is in it, that's something separate from the rest of their crew. what he and sanji have is different. anyone can see that.
zoro's hands abandon sanji's shirt and hold onto his face instead, the grip being too gentle to be a grab, but too firm to be considered caressing. it's something in the middle, harsh but mindful. his dumb, shitty facial hair prickles beneath zoro's fingers. )
Why do you feel as if you have to deal with any of that alone? ( more importantly, how could zoro be blind to sanji's insecurities? they all have things they need to improve on, but what kind of doubt is this? how hollow is sanji feeling inside? ) When you're feeling unworthy, look at yourself the way I see you! Tell me when you're feeling bad so I can tell you all the ways you're stupid, and horny, and perverted, and strong, and that I need you!
( it's not impossible to do it alone, but how could zoro ever be happy knowing that his crewmate gave up his dream for his sake? if sanji wants to talk about knowing people, he should know that would never work. he should know that his crew loves him so much that they'd never be okay with a sacrifice like that, because they care about his dreams and his happiness as much as he cares about theirs.
since when did sanji value his own life so lowly? )
...If you do that, if you tell me when you're feeling that way, then I'll forgive you.
[ sanji had thought he'd heard all that he needed to hear from luffy back when he'd been struggling to free himself from his family's shackles (βyou can kick me all you want but you're the one feeling the painβtell me how you really feel) and at the time, it really had been exactly what he needed then. but it hadn't been the end of it, and the recent nightmares he'd been forced to endure the past few days have been proof that a part of him still lingered in the cell of the castle.
it's not something so easily erased, for all the weight that luffy had been able to release from his shoulders, because those vulnerabilities and insecurities still remain a part of him (βbecause that's who are you areβ). the guilt that followed him in witnessing zoro's lasting anger only confirms the parts of him that still question his worth from time to time, the voice instilled in him that still echo with the cries of a young boy wailing to his wretched father, "i'm sorry i was born weak".
if someone like zoro were to hear those words out of his mouth, would he hate him for it? to hear the person he's trusted most to be his equal to fall into such doubt?
it's only now that sanji even realizes that it's been his fear all this time. ever since he arrived here and faced zoro for the first time since he'd left.
but whatever he'd been afraid of letting zoro for fear of being truly despised, it all withers when zoro takes his face in his hands and says the things that sanji had been needing to hear from him. when sanji feels the heat upon his cheeks, it isn't from the closeness, or the grasp of calloused palms against his skin. it's from having a need that's being met word for word, from learning that for all of his fear of being a burden, the person he'd been afraid of disappointing most isn't turning away.
instead, it's all raw and honest, eye meeting eye, stern and open. ]
Okay. [ he says more quietly, low like a whispered promise.
the last time it'd been like that, zoro had also left him with an unexpected truth (βi want it to be meβ) and sanji hadn't known what to do with it either. though he doesn't kiss him this time (even if his gaze does briefly drift to those lips like the quiet pull that always seems to exist beneath the surface of every confrontation), his hands slide down to his hips, fingers curling into the fabric of zoro's shirt to clutch a bit tighter and reel himself in closer.
because so much of sanji's needs live in physicality. if it isn't the typical fire of battle that arises between them, then his language finds other forms of speaking, such as the way he tips his head forward until the top of it nudges against zoro's, offering the very thing that he's been asked to trust him with β vulnerability. ]
I'll come to you first. And you can tell me all of that again. Just ... don't give up on me until then.
( to zoro, it makes sense that they're becoming like this: touchy, handsy, feely. they've had their hands all over one another since the moment they met. how long after sanji joined the crew were they trying to kill each other? a week? a day? touching is so engrained into their relationship that for it to come to this, hands on hips, fingers sliding back into cropped blonde hair and curling there, feels natural. even the way sanji's head rests against his feels right, though it's missing the accompanying yell and glint of teeth bared and ready to bite. it's just fighting with all of the fighting stripped away, new and familiar at once. )
Yeah... I won't.
( he closes his eye, reveling in that sense of shared warmth. it's more than just thumos; it's something about being known, and being there for someone in the ways he always wished he could be. he wants to ask if sanji is selfish enough to think that he's the only one struggling, if he's the only one facing doubts. like if zoro was strong enough for sanji to place his faith in, he would have never had a reason to leave at all. that's zoro's struggle: not being strong enough for the people who need him. or maybe sanji just didn't believe that he was strong enough, which is somehow worse.
was he giving up on sanji, or was sanji giving up on him?
for them to end up here, both of those things have to be true to some extent, right? once upon a time, zoro might have said something like this can never be repaired after being damaged so deeply. now, he isn't sure.
when he opens his eye to look at sanji, his cheeks are more red than before. there's something more final in his gaze, too. )
...Stay here tonight.
( if sanji strains, he can hear the implied 'i want you to' that isn't being said.
unsurprisingly, zoro hadn't noticed the way sanji's gaze trailed down to his lips and lingered there, but zoro can be a bit dense with those things. it doesn't stop him from looking sanji's lips now, and then kissing them with his whole heart. sanji kissed him first, back in the carriage, and this feels like another of those fighting, competitive spirit things between them. zoro has to deliver, since sanji striked first the last time, and zoro can't wait around for sanji to be the one initiate things every time. sometimes, zoro instigates their fights, too. plus, sanji's an idiot. he probably doesn't even get the obvious things, like the fact that he could have kissed zoro at any point, at any time, and it would have been fine with him.
they haven't done anything at all since that time in the carriage, and it's not as if zoro has spent every single day of charm school thinking about it in a completely normal, uninterested sort of way. if anyone asked, he'd say he hadn't thought about it at all. but with the way he kisses sanji now, of course he's thought about it. chances are it's the only thing he's thought about, more than swords and sake combined. zoro has thought about the feeling of sanji's mouth on his the same way that sanji thinks about women: respectfully, mostly. )
[ this really does feel much of the same for them, and yet, not at all. they've always lingered close, foreheads nudged firmly together as they growled their threats between their teeth, often requiring someone like nami-san or usopp to pry them apart before they tore the ship to pieces with their aggressive competitiveness. but the atmosphere changes when truth is expressed out loud for once, rather than assumption, confessions allowing a weight to drift from sanji's shoulders so that he's left drifting helplessly back into zoro's space where a piece of himself has always lived, in one way or another.
he doesn't assume this is the end of it. they'll find another reason to argue again, whether about this or about something petty and inconsequential, but it does feel like he'd been pried free from at least one of his many shackles still gripping him down, and likely what had been the heaviest one as of late. though he still owes it to zoro to prove his trust in him, to rely on the strength that he's always so freely offered to him to lean against, the existence of its invitation is enough to calm the living storm in his heart tonight.
when zoro asks him to stay, he peers up to meet his gaze, no words from his lips even if he already has his answer.
it doesn't matter that they've stayed together in the same room countless times before, numerous nights crammed together in a cabin with the rest of their boys, feet kicking faces while still dozing, mumbled dreams about food and candy and machines all stemming from different voices as they try to catch as much sleep before the early sun, before sanji rises an hour before everyone else just to have breakfast ready by the time all their eyes open.
the difference here is that it's zoro asking, a willingness in his quiet voice, an honest want that sanji isn't left with too much time to consider before the collision of lips keep any sound from leaving him at all.
things in the carriage had happened so suddenly and unexpectedly that sanji had left it with the insistence in pretending it'd never happened at all, aware that sorting out the implications would leave him swirling about amidst his determined reluctance to admit the way he'd allowed it all to happen without much resistance. especially since it'd been his mouth that had first found zoro's then, making the entire thing a lot more complicated to untangle. but if he'd spent any time through his days at the charm school cursing his choices then, there's really no hint of it now, giving in to zoro's kiss as if he'd been starved for it.
the way he kisses him back might suggest that his previous mirrored confession of "i want it to be you" bears a lot more weight even now, especially now, when he knows it's zoro who sees him, who he wants to see him, for all the broken pieces he'd been too frightened to show. just as he wants zoro to see himself for more than just his strength and power, for those raw open wounds to be just as willingly shared in reverse, for their trust to mean exactly as they intended it.
he sighs against his lips, almost in relief, be it from the kiss itself or simply the accumulation of everything else building up to this moment. his fingers clutch tighter now, low at his back, digging against the fabric to grip at the muscle beneath β craving touch, contact, closeness β pulling him in until he can't be pulled any closer. it's the answer to his request β stay here tonight β as he nestles his chest in tightly, mouth meeting mouth to match equal yearning, making it clear that he has no intentions on going anywhere. ]
[ Since Sanji decided to propose to him after literally just meeting him - maybe he encouraged it a bit, but it's not important - he hasn't seen the man. It's not that he necessarily expected Sanji to realise that the woman he proposed to is actually Gintoki, but he's still sort of surprised that he hasn't realised it. How many people with white hair and red eyes are there around here anyway? See, this is why the silhouette is so important! If he'd been allowed to just wear his own clothes, maybe it would have been obvious!
Anyway, it's been a while, but he happens to ... not run into Sanji, but pass him by while he's asking the citizens of Andovale about this mystery woman. And how is he meant to resist? ]
[ a lot had happened during their little trip to charm school β a lot β but amongst all the chaos and complicated incidents, sanji can very clearly remember his little proposal towards a very cute girl. the whole thing had been on a whim; the moment she'd assumed that he was proposing, sanji's lovestruck heart had spoken before his head could actually process it.
but as cute as she'd been, sanji had already decided he couldn't get married here, not while he's committed to returning to his crew at the end of all of this. leading her on with marriage β well, that's about the worst thing he could do to a woman! which is why he needed to find her and beg for her forgiveness while clearing up the misunderstanding.
except, no matter where he seemed to go, he couldn't actually find her. even as he spoke the name ginko to everyone he asked, no one had ever seemed to have heard of anyone called that.
he's frowning, lighting up a new cigarette now that the previous one has become nothing but a stub, before he's raising his gaze in seeing a familiar face. ]
Oh, it's you. [ he shrugs. ] A woman. I doubt you'd know her.
[ well, sanji had barely been giving him much attention, his mind preoccupied with his search and his gaze attentive to his cigarette, but he looks up with that sudden line of questioning, his curly brow furrowing with a scoff from his mouth. ]
Of course they do. I'm a gentleman. What, you sayin' you're a ladies man now?
You saying I ain't?! You know nothing about me! I bet this woman you're looking for ran away from you.
[ No, he's not sure why he's doing this. The point of this whole thing was to laugh at Sanji realising Ginko was a man all alone, and now he's just saying a bunch of crap instead. It's not like he actually cares. ]
That's a stupid question. You think I've seen everybody here? I can't assume just cause I haven't seen anyone else like that, that more people don't exist looking like that.
[ so what if they have a few similar features? it's a different person!!!! ]
Back home, there's a guy who's a really ugly version of me. So what if Ginko has something like that too?
[ if you're gonna insult his love life, you get ugly status, gintoki. ]
IDIOT IF SHE RAN AWAY IT'S BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T TOLERATE YOUR STINK TAKE A DAMN BATH AND STOP SNORING SO LOUDLY LEARN SOME DAMN MANNERS WITH A WOMAN ON BOARD
[ he's half prepared to snap back with asking what the hell "anything like you" means, because talk about being so damn offensive. but β no, there really are more important things to focus on right now. ]
Of course we have to find her.
What do you think I've been doing all morning? It's not just Tsu-chan either. All the women are missing.
If she did, why aren't there any signs of it? I've heard even the maids have gone missing. Have you seen yours lately?
[ you know β the one that's a direct copy of him. ]
Plus
[ he sighs, reaching into his pocket and rolling aerith's materia between his fingers, feeling the insides of his belly twist anxiously. ]
I found something important to a friend of mine in my room. She'd never leave it around carelessly like that. If they left anywhere, it wasn't by choice.
i don't look for that crazy woman the longer she's gone, the better it is for me
( but, come to think of it, tsukuyo left behind one of her kunai. at the time, zoro didn't think too much of it. she normally has dozens of those on her person, so missing one isn't such a big deal. she could have just forgotten in when getting ready in the morning.
maybe it's a clue, though. )
did you check the palace? i'm going there now pheme has something to do with this
[ Aching, and so, so tired of moving, itβs nothing short of a miracle that Aerith made it. There would be no way to rest until she went home, assuring herself that however crazy things might have gotten in the forest, Tifa and Zack are fine, and Lorcanβs been looking after the garden - though even he looks a little worse for wear, and bashfully avoids Aerithβs bleary gaze while shoving pieces of toast and glasses of lemon water at her as she staggers through the cottage checking on everything.
For what might be the first time since she arrived here, Aerith walks through the streets of Andovale and doesnβt feel the weighty gaze of the judgemental locals. Nobody cares that sheβs still wearing the shift she had on in the forest because they all look like hell too - and she recognizes enough of them from among the chaos of the party to feel right about assuming that like her, they probably feel like hell as well.
As much as her head aches, she feels grateful that sheβs not alone in that - she wants to disappear into Sanjiβs room and not come out until she feels more like a human being (ha) again - and she doesnβt have it in her to climb through the window. Today, she feels okay about getting away with using the front door, today, everybodyβs got a headache. ]
Sanjiβ
[ Itβs wail, and itβs a croak and a whimper too - every weak and mournful tone her voice can have jumbling together when she drags herself inside, swinging the door closed behind her before calling his name.
Likening this feeling to being hit with a terrible cold, Aerith knows if she lets herself linger, sheβs not going to be able to move again without effort, so she keeps right on plodding through the boat, familiar enough with the layout to find her way to his room with relative ease. ]
[ sanji's no stranger to this post-party feeling. how many celebrations did the straw hats join into on the islands they visited, being offered booze by the locals as thanks for saving them out of a pinch? how many nights at sea resulted in hours of the crew's boisterous laughter upon the deck as they chugged drinks between dances choreographed to the tune of brook's medleys? for a pirate, none of this should be new, especially for a searfaring cook who's made more than his fair share of hangover breakfasts, and yet he's never felt quite this groggy in the morning that followed.
he definitely hasn't forgotten any of the events either, at least he doesn't think so, recalling daring things spoken, significant promises made, promiscuous acts performed β it's all a swirl of simply too much that he hasn't even had the ample time allowed to decide whether some of it is worth regretting or not.
right now, all he cares about is getting clean.
he's in his room, stripping himself of last night's clothes, catching peeks in the mirror of all the markings that assure nothing had been a dream, not with the evidence of love bites and scratches along his neck and collar, some carrying over to his back β and not all created by one solitary person, either.
kicking off his trousers, he sighs, standing there in the middle of his room trying to navigate through the headache as he peers around the space, looking for his towel so he can wrap it around himself before heading to the bath.
before he gets a chance to, he hears the call of his name somewhere else on the boat, confusion slow to unravel itself in his mind, knowing for sure it isn't tsukuyo's voice (and definitely not zoro's), but not quite sure why he would be hearing aerith here, no matter how well he knows the voice to be hers. it's what keeps himself on a delay by the time she does reach his room, quick enough to catch him standing in the middle of it, naked from head to toe. ]
Aerith-chan ... ? [ he blinks at her, brain slowly reconfiguring itself before he acknowledges his current lack of wear. considering their history of how much she's seen him naked, there's no reason to feel modest about it, but a red tint still spreads on his cheeks anyway as his hands move to cup over his crotch for a makeshift censoring. ] I was just β I was about to β [ wait, she asked a question. ] Of course you can! I mean β you ... want to stay here?
[ It hurts when her forehead wrinkles in confusion, but she can't help looking at him oddly after he seems so surprised by her question. Groaning, her hand goes up to her face, scrubbing her forehead as she heads into his bedroom, nudging the door shut behind her with her heel. ]
Of course, I do. That's okay, right?
[ She wants to think it's okay, and if she were less achy she might figure out why he seems so bewildered by her turning up like this, but even at her most sober, Aerith works to not think about the parts they play in one another's lives too heavily. Coming over to recover is not the same thing as seeing him on sunny afternoons that usually end as the daylight shining in from his bedroom window begins to fade.
Too tired to feed into the quiet urge to hesitate, Aerith reaches for her shift, pulling it off before tossing it aside for good. Like him, her skin's marked here and there with lovebites and a few scratches, and, like him, she stops and looks at herself when her reflection in his mirror catches her eye. ]
Yikes. [ Reaching up, she fluffs her hair, turning back to him with a squinty look of dismay. ] I promise next time I come over, I'll look better than I do now.
[ it seems like it's simultaneously a fair and peculiar question to ask, since it isn't like it'd be the first time aerith has made herself comfortable in his bedroom, but there has been a pattern to how she spends time there, usually limited to afternoons that ultimately feature very little sleeping at all before she has to make her exit back out through his window. ]
Of course it's oβ
[ he barely gets an answer out before he's watching her strip off her shift, eyes following the fabric unveil the fully naked skin underneath. it really doesn't matter how many times he's seen it; his eyes still reshape themselves into a pair of thumping hearts as the rest of his body flushes all over from the sight of her every every curve beautifully exposed.
when she turns to look at him, he only barely manages to collect himself, lips cheesing into an affection smile with natural ease. ]
What do you mean? You're always looking beau-ti-ful as ever, Aerith-chan~ β‘
[ he's not even hiding the way his eyes admire her from head to toe, heart pounding delightfully at all that naked flesh. it doesn't matter that he's seen it before, that he'd gotten to enjoy it plenty out in the woods not too long ago, and that some of those love bites on her skin now happen to give credit to his mouth, he never gets tired of looking at her. ]
I was about to jump into a bath now, if you ... wanted to join me?
[ Like a lot of things about Sanji- it's impressive that he can still react that strongly to the sight of her without her clothes on, as hungover as they are, as rough as she knows she looks. The ridiculous, and completely appreciative look on his face makes her laugh, which does no favors for all the aches that party's left her with. ]
Please. [ She's wincing and giggling as she steps closer to him and wraps her arms around his neck, as though hugging him might stop him. ]
You always make me feel beautiful, but, don't make me laugh Sanji, my head.
[ It's not like her to whine, but she can't help how pitiful she both looks and sounds, hanging onto him and squinting up with a tired frown. The warmth in her chest over being welcome here outside of their afternoons doesn't let her look that woeful for long, and the mere mention of the bath is enough to make her absolutely light up. ]
I'm not sure about jumping anywhere until I get some sleep, but I'd really like that.
[ A bath - even one without Sanji - sounds nothing short of healing to Aerith right now, and she smiles at him, tired but intensely appreciative, her thoughts already drifting to how nice it would feel to have him lay back in her arms, or wash his hair. Aerith's arms tighten around him, getting onto her toes and kissing his cheek before she lets him go in favor of grabbing his hand so they can head to the bathroom together. ]
[ it doesn't matter what kind of hangover is throbbing in his head; he'll always be able to give his all towards admiring a gorgeous body, and if it's aerith, then it's all the more reason to be unable to resist his admiration, the way that she tends to him ten times the effect on him that any other feminine body might.
though he's happy to hear her giggle, when she breaks out the whimper, his expression relaxes into a more concerning one, even as he still manages a tiny smile, more fond now than the previous excited one. ]
Ah! I'm sorry. I'll make sure we take care of that head of yours.
[ once she's hugging him, the wrap of her arms around him seems to relax him away from his modesty, bringing his hands up to squeeze gently around her biceps as he leans down to press his lips to the top of her hair.
when she grabs for his hand, he'd normally be all too eager to immediately make the trip, but he clutches her fingers to halt her. ]
Wait β [ he looks around his room, searching among the pile of his clothes in the corner before reaching over with his free hand to grab at the towel he'd been looking for earlier, tucking it to her body to try to wrap it around her. ] If Marimo's out there, I can't let his dumb eyes look all over you like this.
[ The confusion on her face dissolves into a smile after Sanji halts their progress towards the bathroom, only to grab a towel and cover her up with it. Too hungover to make a pest of herself and question whether or not a person with dumb eyes would know what they're even seeing, Aerith unwraps one side of the towel from herself, snuggling against Sanji's back before draping it around him as well. ]
Don't worry. I'll protect you.
[ She peers around his side, turning her head to kiss his arm before bumping his hip with hers, keeping him close and shielded. ]
Alright, let's go!
[ They've maneuvered one another in stranger ways before, after all. This sort of, conga-line situation isn't any more complex than the way he kept her off her feet in that greenhouse. Of course, at that time neither of them was nursing nasty hangovers, but she is happy to lean into Sanji and keep both of them under the towel the whole shambling way into the bathroom. ]
[ considering his own reputation, sanji's concern for zoro's eyes landing on aerith is probably highly unwarranted and entirely hypocritical, since if anyone is going to be salivating over the sight of a naked beauty on this boat, it's certainly not going to be the swordsman. still, it doesn't make him any less protective over her bare body, puzzled when she seems to sneak around to his back, wrapping the towel fully around both of them.
feeling the soft press of her breasts to his back already has him in a fit of giddiness, lips tightening to try to hide his excited smile. ]
My hero. [ he says playfully with a heap of affection, before beginning to move his feet carefully to try to find a rhythm in how they move together.
the ship isn't so large that it'll be a long walk to the bath but when he opens the door to his room again, he does peer around to see if either of his boatmates happen to be around before he starts to lead them to the room containing the freestanding tub. ]
Why would I ever mind, Aerith-chan? I'm always happy for any chance I can steal you away.
[ She keeps her arm around him the whole way to the bathroom, her fingers pinched tight at the corner of the towel she's using to keep them both curtained off, even if she's certain that everyone in town is a little too under the weather to care too much - it's sweet that it matters to Sanji. Just like the pasta heart he'd fashioned for her on their lunch date not that long ago, she likes turning his shows of affection back around on him, hoping he'll feel even a little bit close to as cherished as she does.
By the time they get through the next door leading to the bath she's figured out how to settle against his back without tripping them both up, the arm around his middle tightening in a brief hug before she lets him go, now that they're both safe from prying eyes. ]
That's right! I am very impressive, aren't I?
[ She peers around his side giving him a wink as she tosses his own words back at him before stepping back to hang the towel up, privately pleased that the bath looks big enough that she won't have to worry about making a mess when she inevitably starts moving around in the water in another bid for closeness. As delightful as that thought is, the tub itself isn't as engrossing as Aerith's making it out to be, looking it over instead of at Sanji while she figures out what to say. ]
Oh? Are you sure about that? [ Teasing is easier than a straight answer, and Aerith's good at reaching for that light, playful tone of voice, perching on the edge of the bathtub as she finally turns to meet his eye. ]
If you're not careful our afternoons will turn into evenings too.
[ it doesn't go unnoticed, the way she makes efforts to indulge him, little gestures that bring a satisfying and almost overwhelming warmth to his chest. even for their subtleties, sanji tends to spend so much of his time trying to care and treat others that it still sometimes leaves him stumped to experience the reverse of it, as if he's not even sure how to properly receive it.
luckily, aerith is at his back during their little trip to the bath that it gives him a little time to cope with his flustered face, the feeling of flowers blossoming from his cheeks lasting the entire trip it takes to get there. except, when they do get there and she takes a seat at the edge of the tub, it just gives him another reason to stand there stunned and red in the face.
for a moment, he's caught between the look of it, radiant and so very beautifully naked, and the things that are coming out of her mouth, thrilled by the concept of her visits lasting longer than they have in the brief past. ]
Is that a promisβah! Stop that! You look like a glowing bath angel right now!
[ the stop that seems to reference nothing at all since it's really nothing that aerith is doing except merely sitting there, his eyes dancing with hearts all over again. even the hangover won't stop his helpless reactions, though there's a chance, it might just be making it worse.
ultimately, he covers his eyes with a hand, using memory to move about, as he steps over to the other side of the tub to find the collection of bottles set beside it, peeking between his fingers to look for the proper soap. ]
I have no idea how I'm supposed to focus with you looking so stunning.
[ His staring is an invitation for her to do the same, and from the way she settles her hands on her knees and bends slightly, leaning in intently as her eyes narrow, it's clear she doesn't mind that in the least. Even roughed up by all the wine and partying, he's lean and beautiful as ever in her mind. There's no pollen to blame this time for the way the sight of him makes her heart feel fuller, but she's weak from the hangover and, for the moment, content to sit and be with that feeling.
At least until he calls her a glowing bath angel, and she starts laughing, wincing from the way it makes her head ache all over again, even as his words (however weird they are) make her blush, the sight of him feeling his way around the room, eyes covered doing no favors to her efforts to stop giggling. ]
Well, you look like a tall, beautiful kitchen angel!
[ Despite the pain in her head, Aerith is smiling as she slips off her bangles, leaving them in a neat pile save for the thin silver one holding her healing magic before ushering herself into the bath, silently grateful his retainer already went through the work of filling the tub. ]
What's there to focus on? [ The water sloshes gently when she lifts her arms, holding them open while she looks at Sanji expectantly. ]
Come here!
[ The corners of her eyes crease with the force of the grin on her face, obviously looking forward to the idea of getting to wrap around him. ]
[ it really doesn't matter how many times he's seen her naked by now; something about looking at aerith, even when she has her clothes on, always seems to have its effect in making his heart beat faster and sometimes when he glances her way, he can't quite comprehend the fact that she's real. not only that, but that she somehow seems to like him enough to keep coming back to see him again and again.
he's pouring soap from the bottle into the tub, hand still blocking the side of his face where he'd be able to see her in the corner of his eye, when the water begins to slosh about and he can see her legs beneath the surface. it finally convinces him to lower down his hand again, a worthwhile action to be able to see the way she stretches her arms out to him, looking as cute as ever. ]
Aerith-chaaaan!
[ his eye is notably sparkling yet again, because she strikes at his heart in looking like the purest most beautiful thing he's ever been so lucky to stare at.
oh, to hell with it, how could he resist!?
one long leg loops over the side of the tub, into the water that's beginning to bubble before he climbs in with the other and sits down with bent knees, reaching with his arms between them to snag her at her sides, tugging her forward to his body to bundle her in a hug. ]
[ Even though her attempts to be the big spoon have been momentarily thwarted by the way he climbs into the tub facing her, she can't bring herself to mind as she's collected up into Sanji's arms and pulled into a hug. She shuts her eyes tight and ducks her head, burying her face in his neck, muffling a soft, appreciative laugh against his skin, too achy to bask in his presence as she might on one of their more sober afternoons together, but intensely grateful for him all the same.
The wide, stupid smile on her face is evident when she lifts her chin and lets her cheek press against his, tilting her head up so she can kiss his temple before she leans back and meets his gaze, her bright eyes warm with affection. Wet fingers lift out of the water and comb through his hair, pushing it back from his face so she can look at him properly. ]
Now who's the gorgeous bath angel?
[ Aerith already knows the answer to that (him), so she doesn't bother to wait for a reply. Leaning in she kisses him square in the middle of the forehead before her lips find the tip of his nose, either cheek, and finally, his mouth. The hand that's been toying with his hair moves to his cheek, cradling the side of his face while the pad of her thumb traces over his jaw. ]
Come on, turn around and lay back, I want to heal you.
[ Curaga isn't exactly a hangover cure, but it'll take the edge off, and, maybe not-so-secretly, she likes the thought of feeling him resting against her while she takes care of him.
She shifts, her back resting against the side of the tub, and raises her eyebrows at him expectantly, the portrait of a woman on a mission to spoon. ]
[ no hangover will ever be enough to tire him out fully, not to the extent that he can't fawn over a beautiful woman and proclaim his loud and proud worship over her, especially when the woman in question is aerith, looking adorable and gorgeous and sexy and sweet and precious, all in the same breath. he wants her to know exactly what he thinks of her, for her to constantly know that she's appreciated and adored like this, and he'll never tire of giving her reminders.
when she pulls back to peer at him, he's still got his charmed and goofy face on, prepared to answer her question with a "you, of course! β‘" before the kiss to his forehead softens his expression, plenty as his skin warms with every soft brush of her lips.
he doesn't move as she grants him each kiss, up until one lands on his mouth and he leans in just enough to return the sweetness of that peck, lips spreading into a wider smile as she caresses his face. ]
You've already healed me in ways you hardly know.
[ it might fall into the category of more exaggerated compliments, but it's spoken with even more sincerity, his smile lighter and sweeter as he merely looks at her for a long moment before he finally breaks out into a chuckle, turning his body around and sliding back to rest himself against her chest, head lightly pressing against her collar. ]
[ Maybe heal isn't the word for it, but that he's seen the most terrible parts of her past and hasn't treated her like a weirdo, or some fragile princess who might break and needs to be coddled, means a lot in ways she lacks the words (or maybe just the courage) to express. He's special to her. She wasn't broken and he didn't fix her, and she wasn't wounded, so he didn't heal her, but there were cracks in her heart that don't feel quite as raw as they used to, like a vase that shattered and been pieced back together with its faultlines sealed in gold.
After Sanji settles against her, one arm slips across his chest, hugging her closer to him while her legs join the effort, wrapping around his hips and stretching out, her ankles bumping his shins, just as affectionate as the rest of her.
There's a moment where all she does is hold him with as much of herself as she can manage, concealing her grin in his hair and briefly wondering if she isn't somehow drunk all over again with how giddy she feels just being here.
Her hand moves to the side of his head so she can brush through his hair as a soft green light starts to radiate out from her fingers and sink into him, defanging the bite of his headache as it moves. ]
This isn't what this is for, but, it'll help you feel better.
[ the heat of the water is a nice reliever to all the aching feelings on his body, plus a lot better than the discomfort he's felt in just trying to lie in bed to fight the soreness of all the night's activities. but the actual warmth that's most relieving of all is when he aerith encircles her legs around him and he feels the snuggly wrap of her against his back, safe and comfortable.
closing his eyes, his smile obvious and happy, he could fall asleep right here.
but he blinks when he feels the soothing sensation along the side of his head, the minor ache there, previously subtly throbbing, now beginning to dissolve away. ]
Whatβ? [ he can just slightly catch a glimpse of that green light, but there isn't a moment where he even considers to move himself away from it, having full trust in aerith for whatever it is she happens to be doing. besides, it feels ... nice. ] When you said heal, I didn't know you meant ... [ literally. ] How're you doing that?
[ She watches the light of her magic catch his hair, tingeing it a shade of light green that pulls on her heart and makes her think of home. It's downright absurd to let concepts like Sanji and home overlap even for a second but the sight ingrains itself into her memory anyway, leaving her with the bittersweet thought that she'll draw on it often someday when she really is gone for good and she needs it most. ]
Maybe I'm magic.
[ A wry smile curves its way over her lips at the question, and she lets the light taper off so she can stretch her arm out and give her arm a shake, gently jostling the bangle around it, the lone green orb fixed into it catching the light as she moves. ]
It's healing materia. I left it on so I could take care of you.
[ if she stopped with just that in her explanation β maybe i'm magic β it'd be more than enough for him to believe, since so much about aerith is encased in this idea of something beyond ordinary, almost angelic in her existence and presence in his life. but he watches as she stretches her arm for him, blinking as he stares at the orb within her bangle. ]
That's ... materia?
[ he has no idea at all what that word alone means, but he's more caught up in staring at the orb itself, thoughtful for a moment like it's seemingly familiar somehow ... ]
Oh! [ he jolts, sitting up suddenly as he slightly turns, trying to face her. ] Your marble! [ well, not a marble. as she's now explained. materia. ] The white one! I have it.
[ He sits up with a start and Aerith does the same, her brow furrowing in confusion before she connects the dots and laughs at the description, reaching out to rest her hands and on his shoulders again, delighted by the rush of relief that runs through her, knowing it's safe and sound. ]
That's wonderful news! I thought it was gone forever when I couldn't find it at home.
[ She thought it would be with the hair ribbon Zack found, if anything, but, in it's own weird Andovale way, it makes sense that something that precious to her ended up in Sanji's care.
Leaning forward, she presses a kiss to his shoulder before settling back against the tub, gently tugging him to lay against her. ]
It was my mother's. [ He might remember her from such nightmarish visions as - being trapped in a crate full of dead women. ] It doesn't do anything like the ones in my bracelets, but just having it means the world to me.
[ when he sees the visible relief in her expression, he feels plenty of his own, especially in knowing that he was able to retrieve and protect something so important to her. with the events in the woods and dealing with the after effects, he'd almost forgotten about it. ]
It was at my bedside when you disappeared. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get it back to you.
[ he was worried about a lot of other things, about her, but that seemed just as essential. there's even a letter still left somewhere sharing that sentiment.
at her encouragement, he finally wills himself to relax again, easing his body back once more to rest upon her chest, allowing himself to sigh and relax without the need to jolt himself out of it again. instead, he listens to her words, staring at the water quietly as she makes mention of her mother.
of course he remembers. it's impossible to forget the way they'd met, how they turned nightmares into something beautiful by the end of it all. ]
Then I'm even more relieved you're able to get it back. [ he takes one of her hands from his body, brushing his fingers against her palm as he brings it up to his mouth, kiss light upon her knuckle. ] I'd give anything to have something of mine. I couldn't take anything with me when I left that place. [ he doesn't even have a photograph of her anymore. it'd all been too sudden. ] But I kept it protected for you.
[ The thought that he wouldn't have the chance to give her materia back sends a flutter of worry through her stomach, making it feel crucially important to curve herself against him and shift so that she can stretch her legs out and tangle them with his. It's a move she's all the happier for making when Sanji mentions his mother and the way he'd needed to flee his home. She hated her cell, but she hates the one he was held in more. The memory of that horrible mask trapping her head makes the arm she's kept around him tighten almost protectively while he brings her other hand up to kiss, leaving her stretching her fingers out in response, brushing his cheek while Sanji's lips dust across her knuckles. ]
I don't know if there's anyone else I'd want to look after it. I know you understand.
[ Warmth lingers in her voice, but it's taken on a somber note too, a chill she tries to chase away by turning her head so that she can press kisses against his hair before adding an almost sullen-soundingβ ] Wish you didn't.
[ He's so bright and full of joy, that he's been exposed to things worse than what she's endured in the Shinra Building will always hurt her heart, even though she's grateful for the way these experiences have left them both able to see and understand one another in a way she's not sure she's had before. He should have a picture of his mother. They both should.
Weary as she is it might have been easy to let herself dwell, but despite the dark topic, it's also wonderful to be here like this, wrapping around him in the comforting confines of a hot bath, the bridge of her nose nuzzling his hair, the notion that she can linger here and get to watch him make her breakfast softening the sharper edges of her thoughts. Everything just clicks into place when she's with him. ]
How will I pay you back? [ Clearly a rhetorical question given the way she kisses the back of his head and immediately follows it up. ] I'll just have to protect you.
[ he doesn't need to see her face to recognize how she might have been affected by this, feeling that secured wrap of her arm, coaxing out a sigh that's all too relieved that things have worked out for the better in all of this. not only in getting back something important to her, but in getting back her. sanji's forced to close his eyes briefly at that selfish thought; how could he want something so badly that isn't meant for him?
i know you understand. and how deeply he does. it might be that because he does, he feels that much closer to her now, the way their nightmares had been peeled so explicitly in front of one another when they'd only barely known each other's names.
his eyes remain closed in just taking in this moment now, in taking in her, the softness of her breathing as it flutters against his hair, her nose a gentle nuzzle that somehow leaves the rest of him warm, more so than the warmth of the water around him. if he could just stay here like this, to make it last, to quiet the rest of his priorities that would take him home and far away from her, to pretend that he could take her up in his arms and carry her with him to the all blue β
it's her words then that coaxes his eyes back open. ]
Eh? [ he blinks, he leans back, shifting his head to rest on her shoulder as he tries to peer back at her. ] You'll protect me?
[ how often is he the only proclaiming his status as protector, always keen to look out for the women in his life, never expecting the reverse, never wanting the reverse, because what it means to become a burden to someone else. ]
That's right. [ She draws the last word out, letting it fill with a touch of music before turning her head enough that she can meet his eye, smiling serenely all the while. ]
You can't be the only person keeping what's precious to me safe.
[ What else can she promise him? Beyond this strange pocket between universes are worlds teeming with obligations and roads that remain unwalked but not forgotten. She would promise him anything he asked, and having that sense of certainty about Sanji comes with its own weight.
And maybe that's the price tag of loving like this, and once she's home, she'll regret returning without her heart, but deep down, Aerith knows that could never be true. He can have it - he already does. ]
Sanjiβ [ Aerith continues, voice low and warm as damp fingers trace the side of his face, grazing the slight dimple on his cheek with the pad of her thumb. ]
[ sanji gets caught up in just ... looking at her. just for a moment. there's times where he can stare at a woman and his eyes might reshape themselves into piercing hearts that jump out of the sockets, clearly admiring her for her beauty, typically the physical kind. but then there's times like this, where his eyes instead maintain their sea-colored gaze, where the softness invites the quiet behind them, laced with the ache that needs β closeness, protection, company, love.
sometimes he's left to wonder how aerith could summon all of those things to easily fill his heart up with them, to make him feel so belonging to another person (even when he knows the impossibility of it).
her thumb grazes his dimple and it coaxes him to put on a smile, deepening the little curve further, before he reaches up to take her wrist, tilting his head to press his lips to the heel of her palm. ]
If it's you, how could I ever say no?
[ he sinks a little more into the water, further allowing him to rest on her even more so that he's practically looking up at her now. ]
You can protect me, Aerith-chan. And in exchange β you let me do anything for you. Because I would. There isn't anything I wouldn't give to make sure you keep that smile.
[ If it's you⦠the words twist her heart in beautiful, bittersweet knots that linger the longer he looks at her like that. If it's her, if it's him, if, if, if. She knows what a might have been looks like - it's the same sort of longing laden potential that's colored her understanding of what love is since the first time she felt this way about anyone.
With Sanji, there won't be years of waiting, no questions and letters unanswered - here is what they have - here is all they have. This tub and the familiar weight of his body against hers as he sinks down further and let's himself rest against her, the silly, exhilarating feeling that comes when his smile grows and he's left kissing the heel of her palm - it's enough. She'll take it with her. ]
You don't have to do anything for that to happen, Sanji.
[ She likes this angle and the way it lets her take in every flash and glint of happiness on his face, she likes that the way he always stares gives her the freedom to do the same thing. It's impossible to commit a whole person to memory but damn if she doesn't want to try. ]
Just this.
[ And she'll even smile as she says it to prove it, even if the whole truth is more than she can ask for and he could ever give. ]
[ It's clear from the background that Aerith's in the middle of one of the many taverns populating Andovale, and it's also clear - from the ridiculously big grin on her face and the way she's swaying in her seat that she's gotten fairly deep in her cups before reaching for her communicator. ]
Sanji! [ She sounds as bright and excited as she would be seeing him in the flesh, and indeed it's the thought of all the times she has that runs through her mind, making her almost light up from within. ]
I... [ Everything. Everything to the point that it feels like there's a traffic jam on the back of her tongue, all the things she feels and wants to say fighting to be voiced first, tripping over themselves and coming out as the boiled down plain and simple truth that links all the other truths about him together. ] I hope you're always happy.
[ Her gaze darts past the communicator and towards the person who's been holding it and she laughs, slurring out a 'What?!' and reaching off screen for a bottle before the message cuts off abruptly. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
UN: Mr. Bushido | Text
harassing people publicly with these snails
get a hold of yourself
you're an embarrassment
( aka: leave tsukuyo alone. )
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[ the nerve of him after what he's been discovering! ]
As if you're one to talk!
I know you've been making Tsukuyo-chan suffer!
Where are you so I can bash your spine with my foot!!!!
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donβt talk as if you know her at all
besides
after how you acted at that stupid dance, how can i trust you not to grab all over me like a sex-crazed maniac again?
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All of that about not caring for women but you sure didn't waste time getting cozy!
[ someone's big mad. probably hypocritically so. ]
And who the hell would be sex-crazed over you???
It was your gross face rubbing all over me like a damn feline!
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( youβre on thin ice, fucko. )
unless you want to piss me off, leave her name out of your perverted mouth
and donβt talk about my gross face after starting that whole mess. youβre the one who dragged me down on top of you in front of everyone!! these people are still talking about it!!!
next time, keep your creepy, dirty desires to yourself!!!!
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You're the one bombarding her with your stink!
I could have happily gone through this place without ever being associated with you but YOU
You're the one who shoved your face in front of me!!!
All that nose rubbing trying to steal a kiss from me!
If anyone's talking about it it's cause you made a scene by
[ he pauses as if coming to a horrifying realization. ]
Oi oi all that time not being interested in women
Were you just plotting to get your sweaty palms on me, you sick jerk!?
Voice
enough is enough.
by the time he reads that last bit, heβs steaming. thereβs no way heβs bothering with texting after an accusation like that, so heβs calling. )
HAAAH?! WHO THE HELL WOULD WANT TO KISS A GUY LIKE YOU?!?
( moshi moshi to you, too. )
Kissing you wouldnβt make a difference to me, so stop trying to confess your love and get over yourself!!!
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APPARENTLY YOU, SHITTY SWORDSMAN!!!
Ehhh??? I want the soft curves of a sweet woman, not your sweaty, bulging biceps that reek of cheap booze, you dimwitted neanderthal!
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Clearly, it doesnβt make a difference to you! Man or woman. Curves or muscles. Your perversion doesnβt discriminate.
( bisexual [derogatory]. )
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It makes all the difference! If I kissed that gross mouth of yours, I'd probably end up as empty-headed as you!
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β¦
Youβve never kissed anyone before, have you?
( of all the people to start up, and about a thing like THIS no less⦠)
1/2.
2/2.
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( heβs not sure whatβs compelling to confess this, but it feels important to him in some way. something-something manliness. )
As first mate, Iβll perform any duties the captain asks of me. Including that. Itβs what it means to belong to a crew.
( β¦or maybe heβs still not over the time sanji abandoned them and feels the need to declare his loyalty. unlike some people. )
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even if he's been welcomed back, having just made their escape from big mom's territory, he still carries the guilt of not only fighting their captain but in beating him down when he hasn't even put up a fight.
does zoro know what happened then? ]
I doubt Luffy's told you to go around putting that nasty tongue of yours down people's throats.
[ ugh, that's a disgusting vision to think about. ]
And he's definitely not telling you to put it down mine, so don't even think about it.
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I'd rather die than kiss you, shitty cook.
But if my captain asked it of me, I'd do it without complaint. Even if I hated every second of it. Even if it made my stomach churn. I'd do it because I'd do anything that my captain asks! I'd never deny him! I'd never turn my back on him! If you can't do that much, how can you call yourself a member of our crew?!
( leave it to zoro to turn a conversation about kissing into something serious. even if he's [mostly] forgiven him, zoro clearly isn't over it. the rage he feels isn't comically overblown like it usually is; it's real and it's immovable. )
Say something for yourself! Tell me that isn't the kind of man you are! Tell me I haven't been fighting alongside someone who speaks empty words alone!
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after all, it'd been a long time since they'd secured an understanding of one another. despite the way they push and pull, the way zoro's sharp edges clash against sanji's smoother ones, or their alternate directions of interests (with zoro's directions persistently getting themselves lost), there'd been an unspoken vow they'd eventually found, about their mutual roles in this crew β protectors of the others, loyal confidence that when one isn't there, the other would be there to hold them together.
for all their rivalry, they'd been equals.
so, of course zoro would despise him for betraying that trust, something silently promised between them β and, in truth, sanji could hardly blame him. he's been swearing at himself since the moment he'd left zou, doubt still present in his heated chest.
even as his arms and fists shake now, he's almost glad that zoro can't see the way he becomes unsteady from the obvious accusation. ]
You don't think I know the crew deserves better!? That our captain does!?
[ he finally snaps with clenching teeth, breathing harder as the blood boils within him. it's hard to tell whether his anger is really directed at zoro anymore. possibly, he's needed someone to accuse him, angry at the way luffy had waited for him, starved for him. even the sting of nami's slap hadn't been enough punishment.
this isn't about kissing anymore. that much is clear. ]
Leaving was supposed to keep them safe. It was supposed toβ I thought I wasβ
[ excuses are empty. excuses don't work on zoro. they have too much respect for one another for that, or at least, they used to, before he broke it. no, there's only room for truth. ]
If it's kissing someone, marrying someone, fighting to the brink of my last breath, dying, I'd do it to protect Luffy. To protect all of them.
[ To protect you goes unsaid, but it's just as clear in the tightness of his voice, convicted with each word. ]
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how is zoro supposed to do that when the next guy isn't there? )
The captain never wanted 'better'! He only wanted you!
( zoro's being deliberate with his choice of pronouns here, loud as they are. none of this is about him. it's all about "us," and "the crew," and "the captain," leaving things like "I" and "me" as far away from the conversation as possible. zoro doesn't have any opinions on the matter. he doesn't. even if his voice is rising and he has to actively tell himself not to crush the snail [?] between his fingers, it's not because he has any person feelings towards sanji and his decisions.
everything he says is nothing more than the channeled spirit of the collective mugiwara. that's all.
part of him wants to make this call a video so sanji will be forced to see his face, but he maintains some respect for the man's pride. he can hear in sanji's voice that he's being affected in some way, so there's no point in humiliating him with the added insult of video. soon enough, they'll talk in person, and zoro might have to fight him for real to release this rage. )
Don't speak about keeping us safe. I don't want to hear that from you. There's nothing we can't face, so don't give me that.
If you believed Luffy to be the man who'll become King of Pirates, you'd know there's no reason to try to protect us on your own. We never needed to be security; we can take care of ourselves. We needed you, useless cook! Without that much, how are we supposed toβ?!
( not about him. not about his feeling of betrayal, and disappointment, and [loosely, distantly, intangibly] heartbreak. that last word isn't something he'd ever, ever put to this, but to think someone he's come to regard as one of his own would blindsight him so thoroughly... that's heartbreaking. it makes zoro a fool for ever trusting him, so it's a good thing none of this is about him. )
...
Did you ever mean any of it?
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this isn't supposed to be like this. this isn't the way that he and zoro communicate. there should be the swing of metal through the air, the friction of his soles sliding against the ground before his leg lifts, the jam of his knee against the hilt of a sword. they should be gritting teeth as eyes burn, swears shouted to evoke the heat of the fight.
the use of words, of voicing out truth and accusations β this isn't how they do things. not them. but not doing this face to face in this moment means this is all they have, and while sanji at least can spare some of his dignity by hiding his face, he can't disguise the guilt laced in the sound of his voice.
but it also means that zoro can't hide himself either, not his anger and whatever else lives in his rising volume. for someone who's always maintained a steadiness amongst the group while the rest live on unchecked emotion, it's telling that sanji's actions were repulsive enough to have an effect even on him. hearing it in his tone nearly makes sanji sink down, his hand brushing over his face in quiet shame, teeth biting hard on his lip. ]
Of course I did.
[ his voice isn't loud, maybe a part of him even hoping it isn't heard. at least without zoro in front of him, he can pretend he's just talking to himself. ]
I never wanted to leave. I never meant to hide anything. That part of my past was supposed to be gone. It never even wanted me. Not likeβ
[ not like their crew. like luffy. like the pirates on baratie. like zeff. all of the people that made up his real family, the way that germa never could be. ]
You knocked me away. [ he says suddenly, as if something else comes to mind, distant as it reels itself back to his memory. ] Two years ago β Kuma took Luffy's pain and gave it to you. It was supposed to be me and you'd didn't let me. You beared it all by yourself, so why the hell can't I!?
[ 1 / 2 ]
the past shouldn't matter; they can all agree on that. that's a point in sanji's favor since, after all, there are any number of their crewmates who started off as their enemies at one point or another. so long as a person is loyal now, it shouldn't matter who they were before. zoro would be fine with that if sanji hadn't erroneously chosen his past rather placing faith in his crew to find a way to handle things in the present. that's what zoro would do, at least. if it were him. he'd never leave luffy's side, no matter how great the danger is.
speaking of luffy: )
What are you doing, bringing something like that up now? Are you trying to piss me off further?! Damn it, cook! It's not aboutβ!
( there's the bright, clinking sound of metal against metal, and then there's nothing but silence. )
text; un: shinigamitayuu
snail broken
look what you made me do
shitty cook
you owe me
no subject
years later, sanji couldn't even do something as simple as getting married for the sake of trying to prevent pain on his friends. what does that say about his own worth to stand at zoro's side as equals? all his sacrifices did was make things worse, in the end. especially when it turned out, it hadn't even mattered. big mom would have betrayed germa anyway and he'd just be dead. he'd hurt his own captain to play hero and it'd been for nothing.
if he's bringing up the past now, it's only because he knows he can't measure up to it.
but then suddenly, zoro's voice is gone, cut off too suddenly that sanji's left to wonder if the idiot had somehow been talking while walking aimlessly and fell into a hole or something. ]
Zoroβ?
[ it might just be because of the weight of their conversation that he's actually concerned about the silence of it (worried? why the hell would he ever be worried??), disrupted only when eventually a message comes through, the name attached recognizable from when he'd spoken to tsukuyo.
in reading the message, whatever self-guilt that had been bubbling up dissolves to be replaced by directed anger again, the source of how he was able to deliver those words annoying the hell out of him (That hypocritical bastard, I swear I'm gonna send him to hell), and possibly even more heated still because he's now aware of the vulnerability he'd allowed himself in that spare moment. ]
I DON'T NEED TO WASTE MY TIME TALKING TO YOU ANYWAY, YOU SHITTY BASTARD
no subject
you're my crew, so you obviously have to talk to me
don't be stupid
( which isn't a proclamation of forgiveness; it just is what it is. if luffy says sanji is a member of their crew, that's all there is to it. his own thoughts about it don't matter. even if there was a time where zoro was certain he'd never see that smug, swirly-browed face again [because sanji made his choice], he didn't allow himself to be weighted down by it because luffy said that wasn't happening. if luffy said he'd get sanji, then he'd get sanji.
and he did.
still, it doesn't mean that zoro is done with this. the tension's been broken, but it's going to have to build again. neither of them are finished extinguishing their feelings; he's certain of that.
damn it. why does it matter that it's sanji, anyway? his least favorite member of the crew. the one he tells to die at least three times a day, and that's on a good day. he shouldn't care if he turned out to be a misguided traitor, a person who turned his back on luffy. some part of zoro could have expected it, but he never did. for all his many, [many, many, many] faults, sanji's loyalty was never in question. neither was his dedication, or his compassion, or anything that really mattered.
thinking about this is going to piss him off all over again. )
come to the ship
fight me properly
( there's no other way to solve this. )
no subject
but the part that he lingers on is "you're my crew", because it reminds sanji that they happen to be the only strawhats present in this city, which means that, whether sanji wants to admit it or not, even more so than all the attractive women he's come across β zoro is the most important person that's currently with him here.
except immediately as the thought snakes through him, he feels the urge to gag so he just pretends it never crossed his mind at all. of course it would be his luck to get stranded somewhere with the marimo instead of nami-san or robin-chan.
minutes ago, he'd dreaded the idea of being in front of him, knowing he couldn't stand having to face the weight of his guilt with zoro's accusations, aware of how justified he'd been to slam him with it. but as zoro makes his offer now, the fire in him ignites, stronger than a craving for a cigarette, hot and burning for it, for the only way they've ever been able to attempt settling their differences, their anger, their trials β fighting it out.
whether it's from the unresolved frustration towards the swordsman or the need for self-inflicted punishment, he wants to taste the cut of blood on his lips, to feel the sting of bruises against his ribs, to hear the animalistic snarl in his own throat. leave it to zoro to be the only one capable of getting sanji to want to be unclean, to be improper, to meet feral with feral. ]
Where's this ship?
[ because he's going. ]
no subject
presumably, it was meant to give some sort of landmark or identifying feature to help sanji figure out a way to the ship, but sanji should know by now that any question containing βwhereβ has no business being anywhere near zoro.
which is to say the photo is blurry, and crooked, and zoroβs finger is in the way. thereβs something pale in the background that could be sand? but it could just as easily be a sun glare.
nothing about this is usuable, but zoro still has the audacity to add: )
here
donβt waste my time by being late
forced to write a tag 2x longer than it needs to be bc zoro sucks!!!
no doubt the picture is completely useless, which, really, sanji expected to begin with (though he had hoped there'd at least be a little more to go on, even if he knew exact directions were never going to be a possibility). there's no point in asking for another or for zoro to provide a little more insight on his location, because there's no chance for any new enlightening clues to pop up from that. ]
Shut up.
I'll be there.
[ one way or another because at least, unlike zoro, sanji's fairly good at using context clues to make his way around a city and find his way to where he needs to go. the fact that it's a ship is already enough to narrow down that he'll be at the docks, which eliminates everything inland and gives him somewhere to go to begin his search. the travel to the naval quarter isn't too much trouble to start, but narrowing it down from there will require some investigation.
too bad he's already running dangerously low on cigarettes, aware that this hunt could take him all night because of fucking course the marimo would make him work for a damn fight. fortunately, that'll just help to fuel his desire to kick the shit out of him.
sanji makes polite conversation with the locals in the area, slipping into the trident to ask around if anyone's seen a green-haired idiot with a scarred eye and whether they might know where he lives, because chances are zoro's made his presence frequent at the local taverns. he might not get a description of a ship, but he does get a waitress who says she usually sees him heading off in a certain direction whenever he leaves. once he thanks her (and ogles for a minute), he begins to walk in the opposite direction of where she pointed, since he doubts zoro would have ever had good instincts on which way to actually return to.
more questions are asked, more locals are spoken to, gradually gaining pinches of hints here and there, thanks to the way the idiot tends to stand out, and though it takes much longer than zoro might have hoped, sanji eventually comes across a sailor who's seen him appear a few times on a specific ship, even pointing out the exact one, finally granting an end to this scavenger hunt.
at long last, sanji stands on the dock, a nearly burnt out cigarette between his lips, curly brow furrowed with ever heightening frustration, certainly looking like a man who came looking for a fight. ]
OI, MOSSY SHITHEAD! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!
no subject
...
as if he really wants that.
for one, luffy would never forgive him for killing their cook. he'd be beside himself, and zoro can't be responsible for a thing like that. that's the only [only!!] reason he hasn't cut sanji down before: because his captain needs him. everything zoro does, he does for luffy. it's not like zoro needs him. zoro will eat anything; it doesn't have to come from that chef's hands.
while he waits, he flicks his swords from their sheathes and replaces them. over and over, lost in his own thoughts, until he catches a glaring, swirly-browed eye in the reflection of one. it's all the warning he gets before a purple-booted foot comes sailing his way, and he barely has time to block it with the flat of shusui as he leaps to his feet. with the way her leg extends to kick at zoro again and again, her maid's dress should be flying all over and giving people eyefuls, but magically it stays modestly in place. her long hair covers half of her face, but the half that isn't shaded in blonde looks furious. )
Shut up! I've had enough out of you already!
I said shut up! I'm not putting up with any more of this stupid courtingβ!
( the flurry of blades, and kicks, and whipping blonde hair gets disrupted when a fucking anchor comes flying towards zoro. he deflects it by batting it towards the dock, right at sanji, either accidentally or on purpose. )
Fine!
( he peers over the ledge of the ship, where sanji hopefully has been flattened to a pancake. )
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( there's no underlying concern in it, nothing about the subtle worry he'd expressed to tsukuyo about whether zoro had become malnutritioned without him around knowing he'd be doing nothing but drinking booze and ingesting anything without too much care, nothing about seeking the comforting reassurance of having one of his nakama with him in this place, nothing about wanting to look zoro in the eye to make sure he knows that the trust they'd held for one another had never been a lie even if he'd screwed things up β
no, he just wants a fight to fuel his anxious frustration through something and be rewarded with the idiot's bloody face beneath his heel. )
when he hears a pair of screaming voices, he briefly wonders if it's tsukuyo on board, before he sees a flashing blonde blur over the side that strikes him with a different kind of familiarity that he can't immediately put his finger, not before he's immediately sidetracked by the suddenly flying anchor that shoots right in his direction. ]
That fuckingβ!
[ he swiftly hops up, long legs spinning through the air as his body swirls with power, just in time for his foot to meet the anchor right before it collides into him, batting it back out across the water, far enough into the distance to not see where it lands.
heaving from the surprise when he lands back on the dock, sanji looks up just in time to see zoro peering over, his own teeth gritting hard as he loudly groans his annoyance. ]
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!? [ he hops again, cheating with his skywalk, pressure beneath the bottom of his toes as he climbs to hop on the ledge of the ship. ] Are you trying to fucking killβ!?
[ β ah! he stops, visible eye widening as his sight sets upon the other present company, cheeks turning a rosy shade looking over her (the resemblance not quite becoming apparent). ]
A ladyβ!? [ just how many does this idiot have on board with him???????? ]
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( whatever magic that makes her tick doesn't allow her to realize that she's looking at a mirror image of herself. more beard, less boob, same curled brow, same willingness to do anything for the opposite sex. she's too loveblind by seeing a handsome man to take in the fact that she's seeing a version of her from another dimension.
zoro groans, because now there's two of them when one was already more than enough, and his maid's demeanor changes again: )
Get out of here already!!
( if it wasn't clear before that they can't fight here, it's more apparent than ever. zoro was worried about the logistics, how small his temporary home is compared to the largeness of his need to battle. when they fight, they fight with their whole souls. a boat like this would be collateral damage, and he can't have that. more pressingly, he can't stay on this boat without his dumb, stupid retainer insisting that they eat crumpets and hold hands, so they need to leave. zoro needs to leave, at least. if sanji wants to hang back and flirt with his reflection, that's on him. )
Don't follow me, ( he says to his heated retainer before leaping down onto the dock. there's other stuff around here. there's a whole fight club, from what he's heard. he can find a place that hasn't been co-opted by his crazy maid, and he can break sanji into a million pieces. )
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I take no offense, my lady. I'm very familiar with this uneducated oaf's rude behavior and I know it bears no reflection on how lovely you seem to be.
[ natural. habitual. where not even the anger he holds for zoro seems to prevent his usual behaviors, even if all it really takes is a mere glance back in the swordsman's direction to feel the scorching fire in his soul again, especially as he's forced to listen to him talk with that attitude. ]
Oi, oiβ! [ before he even has a chance to criticize him on his etiquette in a woman's company, the other man already seems to be off, leaping back off the ship right from where sanji had just come from. ] Wait a damned minute, you bastard!
[ back to the maid β ]
Please excuse me, sweet miss. [ even in a hurry, he'll sneak in a forward bend to press a gentle kiss to her hand. ] I'll be sure to make him beg on his knees for forgiveness later for his ugly manners.
[ which has him immediately spinning on his heel to take off after zoro, hopping quickly back onto the dock and darting after him, knowing if he loses a second, the idiot will just get himself lost. ]
Shithead! Slow down! You realize the damn hunt you put me through to find you because you're too stupid to give one simple direction!? Where the hell do you plan on going now?
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it's true that he'd managed to get absurdly far. the way he wanders, it's something worth studying. in the blink of an eye, he can be halfway across an island in the wrong direction, and no one would be the wiser. )
What the hell are you talking about? You took forever because you can't follow simple landmarks. Don't put that on me.
( he took a perfectly acceptable photo of the ship and he won't be told otherwise.
when he looks around, he frowns. in truth, he was simply looking for a place to fight, a place with lots of room to struggle, and strain, and scream, but this being a city and all, places like that are in short order. it's all the more reason to get back home as soon as possible: he's not built for posh, big dress, wig-wearing city life.
but this place should be good enough. beyond the docks, the grassy area between the beach and the city, it works for him. he can see his ship in the near distance and he can see sand over his opposite shoulder. best of all, there are no people here on this path, so he doesn't need to worry about others getting in his way. )
...Once we start this, it won't end easily.
( 'you can still back out,' is what he means. )
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Are you still that much of an idiot? Nothing about that picture was simple. You might as well just have sent me a picture of your middle finger and it'd have been the same message.
[ why the hell does he put up with this? and more importantly, why does he still care?
they're in this city without their crew, without their captain, so really, sanji has no obligation to play babysitter to whatever stupidity zoro wants to get up to, whether he's off getting lost or drinking booze until he passes out or moving in with other women. he shouldn't give such a damn if he's not eating well enough or whether he stays out of trouble enough to not get himself killed or whether the man is still simmering in quiet hatred towards him.
sanji shouldn't care, but that's always been the problem with him. the fact that he can never help but care, and even with every insult he can spit and swear in zoro's direction, he cares about that damn bastard as his nakama and being separated from the rest of their crew doesn't change that. if anything, it makes the feeling more prevalent in his mind, an awareness that keeps the anger heated and swelling in his chest once zoro stops and they seem to have settled on a proper enough spot for their battle.
he stands a decent distance away, enough to look him in the eye with a sternness that quietly evokes the seriousness of what he intends, the curl of his brow furrowing tightly.
without a word, he tugs off his jacket, giving it a fairly careful fold before laying it on the ground beside him. hopefully it won't get dirt on it, but he'll be cleaning it again later anyway. when he straightens, his fingers go up to his tie, loosening it just slightly before he plucks the remaining nub of his cigarette from his lips and drops it to the ground, his heel crushing the faint embers left in it. ]
If we have to keep it going until I finally send you to hell, that's fine by me.
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that's why sharing his thoughts so freely before is something of an anomaly for him. he can name off the people on his crew who have a right to be so emotional, so reckless with their thoughts, and he isn't among them. zoro is discipline... yet he can't bring himself to regret his words. he only doesn't like how impassioned they were. it makes it seems as if he cares about the cook and whether he stays or goes.
he doesn't.
and if he does, it's not for personal reasons.
it's not because he cares; it's because luffy cares.
when you join a crew, you make an oath. the fact that sanji went back on that isn't the problem; it's the fact that he disobeyed luffy. there's no room for anything else. there's no room in his mind. there's no room in his heart. there's no place for feeling anything that isn't his goals and the goals of his captain. that's it.
that's it. that'sβ )
I lost my faith in you.
( ...it's going to come out from some other place, then. )
You're not the man I thought you were.
( he didn't agree for those words to pass into the air. )
I'm going to cut away every part until I find a man I can trust beneath the surface.
( it's happening of its own accord, apparently. if he shoves a hilt between his teeth, will that stop the sound? ...no. this loud part of him is just going to talk around it. three swords feel like home, [a bit like sanji may have at one point], one in each hand, one on his tongue, easy and controlled. as it should be. he'll survive this. )
Until then, don't even think about offering me your food. I won't eat it!
( as zoro rushes him, he's sure he means it. he thinks of every great meal made by sanji's hands, and he slashes their image in half against the very real figure of sanji here in the present. there's structure. there's always structure when zoro fights, but there's no relief. he's not letting up, not giving sanji a chance to back out [again] and run away [again] and abandon him [again] to defend a crew all on his own. sanji is going to face him, look the consequences of his actions in the eye, and bleed for them. )
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he knows where luffy stands, knows that despite the weight of his own flaws, his captain would smile brightly, showing off that newly missing tooth and say "that's just how you are", as if everything sanji had wanted to bury in the ground had been exactly what he needed to grip tightly to all along.
and that had been that β except it wasn't.
because proving himself to luffy isn't proving himself to zoro. for all that zoro follows every bit of luffy's beliefs and faith, there's the sliver of an exception where zoro simply doesn't forgive, because even with every vow of "anything for my captain", sanji's aware that beneath the loyal pride of a first mate is also a man who stands on his own values. with zoro, everything is for luffy, but not everything is luffy, and it's that part that stands before him now on the field, the part that speaks out a rare honesty, the part that tests him in this fight, the part that's all raw strength and skin and sharp metal.
because sanji already knows luffy's words. these aren't his. he already knows the rest of their crew has accepted him back. this isn't their test.
this fight isn't about their crew, about their captain, about their nakama. this is about them.
this is about zoro and sanji. ]
Then I'll show you exactly who I am.
[ because sanji is no longer buried under the weight of his past, drowning himself in the flood of his own excuses, pitying himself for his lack of worth, but he hasn't yet shown zoro. he isn't forgiven for his doubt, for his betrayal, but apologies don't come from words. they come from the way his own feet begin to race against the dirt as zoro charges forward, his own body rushing to meet him halfway. it's spoken in the burning flame that bursts around his legs before he pushes his weight through the air, letting the focused pressure of haki at his knee clash against the strong, exerted force of metal, the impact stretching out from their collision across the field of grass around them like a storm. ]
probs during the graduation party??
HEEYYYYY
OI
SHITTY
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yeah, he's ignoring it.
ugh. ]
What the hell do you want?
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you should open a restaurant while weβre here
thatβs all
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Restaurants require a lot of care and attention.
We're supposed to be trying to get back to Luffy.
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if anyone wants to get back to the captain, itβs me
but itβs not going to happen overnight
if this place is anything like the last one, the one in charge is going to do whatever she can to stop us
whether itβs crystal guards and royalty or the one calling herself a goddess, they make going home as hard as possible
so you shouldnβt put your dreams on hold on the meantime
donβt hold back like you did before
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sanji being stuck in a city that's designed to make sure he finds the woman of his dreams would be the one declaring he's never leaving.
so why does this all feel like the reverse?
you shouldn't put your dreams on hold β what hell is with him saying a thing like that? ]
Where's this all coming from?
You trying to get me comfortable so you can be rid of me?
[ because snapping about it is better than getting sentimental about zoro caring about his dreams or whatever. ]
1/2
huh
i hadnβt thought of that at all
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thatβs a pretty good idea
go open a restaurant and stay out of my way!!!
1/2.
[ never a chance for a nice conversation. ]
2/2.
But it'd be temporary. I'm not abandoning the crew this time.
[ it hasn't been too long since that was an issue. considering it's the very thing zoro had criticized him for in the first place. ]
And I'm not getting married either.
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no one asked you to babysit anything
i was fine before you showed up
and donβt be stupid
getting married is the right thing to do in a place like this
if you do it to appease the pheasant lady, itβs fine
just donβt go back on your word
( heβs not asking for much. theyβre all free to do what they want so long as the crew comes first. )
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A marriage is a promise! Even here!
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don't talk about this place as if you know anything
this is the third world like this that tsukuyo has ended up in
they don't let you leave without playing along
that's why going in our usual way would be too easy
so if playing dress-up and getting married is what it takes to get back our captain, then that's what i'll do
i don't have time to let pride get in the way of that
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[ which will always be more significantly important for him to do, no matter the circumstances or atmosphere. this place may be a game to lady pheme, but it isn't to him. ]
So that's the plan for you?
[ ... ]
Are you going to marry Tsu-chan?
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that has nothing to do with you
it's not as if you asked for my permission before running off to marry your woman
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No, and someone was still mad about it when I came back.
[ not to bring up zoro's betrayal/spite/jealousy/whatever again. ]
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nothing happened.)if you're going to take that shit lightly, don't bother talking to me
( 'mad'?
a word like that doesn't even begin to describe how zoro was feeling at the time. granted, zoro knows he shouldn't have been feeling anything at all for sanji, as much as he hates him, but they should both know by now how much underlies the 'hatred' between them. to think it wasn't a mutual understanding but something one-sided, nothing more than zoro's expectations impressed upon sanji's form... does sanji not understand him at all? )
this was stupid
forget i said anything
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[ it's not that sanji doesn't take that entire situation seriously, but he's prone to being defensive (which seems to multiple by a thousand when the person he's raising his defenses against is zoro) and maybe he's the one feeling a little frustrated right now. because it's also not that sanji actually cares about whether or not zoro decides to get married (even if he'd pity anyone he ended up married to), but there's a sliver of annoyance over the hypocrisy in it, especially when it's meant to toss sanji's own significant values to the side against zoro's stubborn insistence that he always knows what's right.
maybe he'd also thought he and zoro were of the same mind in this, finally, valuing the loyalty to the crew first, only to be met with zoro speaking so casually about a life here β getting married, opening up a restaurant β and then summing it up as part of some big plan as if it could be that simple.
so, yes, better to just forget it.
even if he knows he isn't being fair either. not when they'd put everything into that fight before to address this thing between them without a proper description. because mad isn't the word, but zoro's always been the one thing he could never squeeze into a single word, not with the weight they carry between them β for luffy, for the crew, for each other.
it's this same thing that allowed for the events in the carriage to even happen at all. because there's a complexity to it, layers beyond 'mad' and 'hate' and 'betrayal' and 'loyalty', which don't carry any single word or a thousand.
and it's all of this that keeps spinning in his thoughts after his Fine because, no, it's not fine, and damn it, why the hell does that idiot always find a way to stay so persistently in his head??
so, eventually, when he's had the chance to let the immediate fumes fizzle out, ]
Even if it's just to play by the rules, you shouldn't have to throw yourself into doing things if your heart's not in it. When I thought I had to get married for the sake of doing right for the crew, I was wrong and I ended up miserable for it.
I wouldn't want that for you.
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now, Luffy isn't here, and zoro's counting the days [fifty-six at present] until he shows up here, or zoro shows up there, or some third option that his mind isn't capable of considering, like maybe they all show up in a new place altogether and Strawhats are reunited as one again.
until then, zoro has no choice but to do his best, and that includes things like keeping sanji in line.
if/when luffy arrives here, he wouldn't want to see either of them miserable. he wouldn't want sanji to miss out on the things that make him happy, like women, or dances, or a restaurant, if he has the opportunity for it. like hell is zoro asking sanji to turn his back on the crew by making their lives here something permanent. a thought like that could never fit into his mind. but, until things are back how they should be, zoro doesn't want to see sanji holding back.
...
so how did they end up back here? ever since sanji arrived in this place, it's as if all roads lead back to this, and them, and who they are, and what they're meant to be to one another. there are times where zoro's certain they understand each other as protectors, as the ones who stand up and take the hits, in a way that no one else ever could, but then there are also moments, like this one, where zoro is left doubting everything he ever thought he knew of the cook. did he just imagine those years of camaraderie?
weeks have passed between what happened in the carriage, and neither of them have made the effort to speak on it. have they come to a silent agreement that nothing happened? is zoro alone in seeing that moment as another part of the complicated dichotomy that makes up who they are?
he shouldn't be relieved to get something more than 'fine,' but he is. )
no
it's not
( ... )
she's more than
( ... )
come over
don't want to do it like this
( talk about it, her, by just typing letters. it's too reductive, even if he doubts he'll be able to do much more with his actual words. )
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but now words seem to be inviting themselves into forcibly being used to describe whatever the hell it is that goes on between them. if it's talking about women, sanji would have no problem coming up with a lengthy overly descriptive poem to describe his thoughts, his values, his feelings about them, but when the topic becomes anything to zoro, he finds himself stumbling to box it into anything that's verbal language beyond a plethora of insults.
and if he's terrible at it, zoro's typically much worse. which is why it's not entirely a surprise when the messages he gets are a jumbled pattern of incomplete sentences.
it might be a mistake, doing this talking thing, but β ]
Where are you?
And don't give me a shitty map.
I'm not gonna spend the next five hours trying to find you.
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no one's asking you to
five hours is too long to wait around for your sorry ass
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If you can't tell me the room number, at least tie a damn shirt or something around the door handle so I know it's yours. I'm not knocking on everyone's rooms to find you.
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do you want to talk to me or not???
( but, fine, whatever, zoro's signature bandana will be hanging from the front of his door by the time sanji comes around. dumb curly-brow can't even find a room without zoro's help... )
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[ which is the last sanji will say on that, hoping that zoro could at least follow some simple directions to save both of them a lot of time. it does take a bit of squinting (with plenty of mumbled swears under his breath) to get a better read of what the number in the photo could be, but he makes his best educated guess and starts his search from there, mostly keeping an eye out for something on the door handles that could narrow down his options.
thankfully, the hunt doesn't take anywhere near the lengthy time it took to find the boat, managing to catch sight of a familiar bandana in about ten minutes.
hoping zoro didn't get lost in the process of actually placing said bandana and slipped it on someone else's door by accident, sanji sighs with an exhale of smoke from the cigarette hanging between his lips as he knocks. ]
Oi, order up for your shitty delivery.
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still, if the cook really is on his way, there's no point in zoro getting settled down or anything. he shouldn't get comfortable if he's going to have someone over, even if it is his nemesis. instead, he should do the proper thing, like straighten up. he doesn't have enough possessions here in this place to come close to creating a mess, but he makes sure all his alcohol bottles are in a row, and that his swords look their best from where they're leaning against a wall. receiving gentleman callers, lecture one.
when he actually answers the door, his face is a bit red from a night of partying. alone. it's still a party if you're alone! why would zoro want to party with other people when his captain isn't here? it wouldn't be the same, so he grabbed as much alcohol as he could and shuffled off his his room to drink in peace.
so, appearance-wise, he really looks like he took five shots and then laid down for a nap afterwards, because he's got the imprint of a pillow on his cheek, and his fine-pressed clothes are all wrinkled. that doesn't bother him, though. he wouldn't have that problem if he was in his normal clothes instead of this stupid uniform... )
Don't think I'm going to be impressed because you followed simple instructions.
( 'come on in, mi casa, su casa,' is what that translates to. )
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Not like I came all the way over here just to get some praise from you.
[ the routine weightless banter is a good thing. it's a sign that they're not as tense with one another as they could be. which means having a conversation ... could be possible. maybe.
he shuffles inside, his eye only vaguely gazing over the room, since he hardly cares about its condition. the fact that it's decently organized is more telling that they're without their crew than anything else, lacking stocks of food stored in hidden compartments for luffy's late night snack needs, medical books piled high from chopper's casual reading, knick knacks in clustered piles for inventions usopp had yet to create, blueprints for a new vehicle that franky would charge into battle, or pages of sheet music for new songs brook would hope to sing. the boys were always crowded in their rooms, enough for sanji to complain about it more often than not (preferring to bunk with nami-san and robin-chan, if he could), but it was home.
for being in his supposed dream paradise, sanji misses them more than he could properly say. just as he would never say that having zoro with him here helps ease the loneliness and pain of that distance more than that idiot would probably ever acknowledge.
but he'd never say that.
instead, he just takes a seat on the edge of the bed, pinching the cigarette from his lips to breathe out yet another sigh. ]
Alright. I'm here.
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( sanji is here because zoro invited him and sanji turned up.
that should have been expected.
there's never been a time when zoro looked for him and he wasn't there, barring that time when it was exactly like that, and sanji was gone, and luffy and the others went off to find him. it's hard to think of things in terms of what's normal and what's not when sanji's actions upheaved zoro's sense of normalcy so abruptly. it's like when usopp left, sort of. nothing was right for a while, even when they had to pretend that it was. zoro could have invited him here and sanji could have disappeared again, ran off on his own, alone, against luffy's wishes, again, because he doesn't know luffy's wishes at all, and the last thing luffy would wish for is to see sanji trapped out of misaligned duty. how could luffy ever be happy with a thing like that weighing in his heart? how could any of them everβ
zoro's saying that's enough of that topic for now, since that isn't why sanji is here. on the one hand, zoro doesn't feel obligated to explain jack shit to sanji. on the other, as his nakama, there's no one zoro wants to talk to more.
he sits on the bed across from him, on his roommate's bed, [the roommate that zoro paid absolutely no attention to], and reaches for one of the bottles that still has something in it. )
I'm marrying Tsukuyo. And unlike you, I don't fall in love with every woman I lay my eyes on. She's the only woman I'll ever want, so this isn't just about getting us all closer to going home.
...
It shouldn't make a difference to you regardless.
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but right now, it's just them, managing patience and willingness, an effort to understand, that sanji can hear the bed sink beneath zoro's weight as he sits down and even the breath he takes before he finally speaks out what's needed to be said.
for a moment, sanji wonders if he should be more surprised. but the hints had been there, from the moment annie had mentioned something between those two, to zoro's defensiveness of tsu-chan against his interactions, to the entire living situation that sanji had insisted he was somehow keeping in line by moving himself in. that part doesn't bring any surprise. sanji had predicted the marriage bit already.
it's the rest of it that makes him still, that keeps him staring at zoro in that pensive silence, brow a little furrowed to suggest the collecting of his own thoughts. ]
βthe hell do you mean by that?
[ he mutters, quietly albeit a little annoyed. cigarette still between his fingers, he brings up a hand, rubbing it against his temple as he closes his eyes, sighing yet again. he feels like he'll lose all of his breath with how much zoro's words and actions seem to keep drawing it all out of him. ]
Of course it makes a difference.
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( zoro is hopeless at this.
he can feel the way that his words aren't enough to convey what he's feeling, as told by sanji, apparently, just not getting it at all. it's only because they're not those kinds of people. Luffy is the one who says what he means without fear, with his whole heart, no matter how asinine or genuine they might be. zoro leaves that sort of thing to Luffy, and it works out for him. their thoughts and beliefs are in alignment so often that zoro doesn't have to worry about his feelings being misconstrued. He's the sort of captain who understands when it's important, and they always understand each other when they need to.
for a while, zoro had assumed he and sanji were the same way. they both just get it, so there's no reason for them to have moments like this where they say it out loud. when did that change? was it before those years apart? after he left the crew? when he returned? )
What I do has nothing to do with you, so it doesn't matter. I don't need your permission, or your blessing. I'm only telling you this as a courtesy, not because I owe it to you...
So, focus on things that make you happy while we're here. I'll take care of Lady Pheme.
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[ sanji rises back up on his feet before he can stop himself, feeling that pang of frustration building in his chest, tight and swelling. it has to be for the same reason it always is, that anything zoro speaks about anything, it's only natural to feel annoyed, to want to kick that dumb face until it's unrecognizable.
except it's not, and he knows it's not.
his teeth are clenching tight, cigarette practically broken in half at this point. his visual eye certainly appears angry, that curly brow furrowed intensely, but there's a noticeable hurt in it too. ]
You can't give me that shit about permission and blessing when we're talking about you and then suddenly talk about what makes me happy.
[ of course sanji's permission isn't needed. he's not luffy. he's not zoro's captain. but it's not about that, it's never been about that.
and before he can bite his tongue to keep the next words from slipping out of his mouth β ]
You really think that I don't care about just making sure you're happy too!? Does that make no difference!?
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why isn't sanji striking out at him?
that's more confusing than the words he's saying, which is hard to beat because sanji's words make no sense at all to zoro. he wants to respond, but he wants to slice him in half for being an utter moron. he doesn't get to speak lightly about this sort of thing.
seriously, where does zoro begin? happiness? since when does sanji care about his happiness? )
...Damn it, Love Cook.
I already told you: she's the only woman I'll ever want. Don't make it sound like being with her is some kind of death sentence... And don't talk to me about joy when it's clear you don't know what would make me the happiest.
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[ in reality, this has nothing to do with tsukuyo. even in the short time of living in the same boat with her, sanji has grown to like her plenty (even outside of the fact that he likes any woman easily without much effort) and whether or not it'd be easy to imagine zoro settling down with anyone at all, it's not difficult to assume he has plenty of care for her. besides, zoro wouldn't do something if he really hated it (he can brag about doing just about anything out of loyalty, but even sanji knows that zoro listens to his own gut when it actually matters), so there's no concern that this would be any kind of torture.
no, what frustrates sanji to his core is the idea that zoro really believes it wouldn't matter to him. to be told out of mere courtesy rather than the idea that, as nakama, sanji would want the best for him. ]
You think I don't already know that the minute we find Luffy again, you'll tell him that Tsu-chan's a good woman so we can take her with us? That nothing's more important to you than Luffy's support? That being with the crew and making sure we're all doing what we set out to do is what matters for you?
[ he scoffs, plucking his broken cigarette from his mouth to toss to the floor, the bottom of his heel stomping it out as he charges the few steps forward to snag zoro by the collar. ]
Did what I do really shatter your trust in me that much? Do you think that I don't know you at all?
[ that he doesn't care?
such as the way that zoro works out across about eighty percent of his waking hours and that sanji specially prepares his rice to make sure to maximize his intake of recovered energy so he doesn't exhaust himself and his unsweetened tea to specifically help reduce the soreness in his muscles so his body doesn't ache. or that, while he keeps every bit of consumable food locked away outside of dining hours, sanji will always leave out a good bottle of sake because he knows it helps relax zoro's mood before he dozes off. ]
Stop acting like you assume I don't give a shit about you!
[ even if he'll say that he doesn't a thousand times over. the point of what they are is to know that those words don't have truth to it. they're supposed to already know. that's why he's never had to say it before now. ]
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that might piss him off more, the casuality of it all. there's so much inside of zoro at this moment, he doesn't know how to stop it from boiling over. sanji isn't bothering with that same restraint, not bothering to keep his words inside, because zoro has once again driven him to action. the tight sensation around his neck from a collar pulled taut says that sanji is past the point of holding back.
if that's the case, so is zoro. )
You wouldn't forgive me so easily if it were the other way around. If I was the one who left you.
( past the point of no return, he's scrapping away all the top layers of their crew until it's come down to something as raw as 'you' and 'i,' neither of which feel as organic to him as 'us'.
zoro's faith in sanji is shaken, and he has doubts, and he's teetering on the edge of disillusionment, but he's not going to told he's absurd for that. 'the other way around' is impossible to fathom, but in a universe where it could happen, and that it does, zoro doubts sanji's faith wouldn't be just as debased, that he wouldn't spend just as much time debating his own uncertainty.
still, how many times are they going to have to have this same argument? they 'talked' about it on the phones, and then they fought over it, and now they're talking about it again. )
How can you talk about leaving and talk about knowing me in the same breath? If you knew me at all, you'd know this would be the only result!
( he shoves sanji away to give himself some room, and because he doesn't want sanji anywhere near him, and because he hates him. he follows that up with grabbing sanji's nice, fancy top with both hands and shaking him, just to show how much he doesn't want to be near him.
we all have someone that we hate so much, we just have to pull them closer. )
If you ever gave a shit, then say it, bastard! Say that I'm your crew and you need me like I need you! Otherwise, there's no point! There's no reason to belong to a crew if you aren't willing to believe in me!
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he knows he isn't wrong in the assumption of a reversal, no matter how impossible the scenario. even in reality, sanji hadn't been the first to leave the team, either, remembering the way they'd all been shaken by usopp's choice to confront luffy in battle and depart. that had taken time, too, for usopp to determine his own role on their crew, to step back up with a certainty of his loyalty rather than simply be offered a welcoming hand before the time was ready.
even if sanji had been desperate to stop the escalation of the fight then, he and zoro had been of the same mind then about the result and what needed to be done.
it's no different here. their fight isn't over. but this time, putting it to the test with boots and swords won't make it go away. the usual methods don't work here, but that's not what zoro's asking for.
say it.
not for luffy. not for the crew. for zoro. but maybe β maybe for sanji, too.
sanji doesn't even try to fight off the strength of those hands when they grab at him, letting the grip reel him in even as he clenches his teeth and nearly hisses like he's ready to put up his defenses in a battle. except when he grabs at zoro's arms, it isn't a counter, his fingers curling around each of his wrists to hold on rather than to try and yank him away. ]
Idiot, of course I need you! [ it's shouted with exasperation and anger, but there's ache in it too, carried on by the guilt that still dwells in him. idiot, he calls him, but zoro has every right to have not believed it. not when sanji had done the very thing to let him down, to make him believe that he hadn't been needed.
they trusted one another, to fill the space the other couldn't, to set the balance, and sanji had broken it. ]
I shouldn't have left. I should have asked for help. I know that! But I came back because I needed my crew! Because it's supposed to be the two of us!
[ he belongs with his nakama, all of them. but his love for the rest of the crew isn't what's on trial right now. ]
You and I β we're supposed to be Luffy's wings, and if one isn't there, then we all fall. [ his fingers squeeze tighter, hands shaking. ] I left you to fall when I doubted myself. I know that shouldn't be forgiven. But I came back, Zoro. Because things only make sense when it's me and you β together. Because I need you just as much as you need me.
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eventually, usopp came around and apologized, which made things all right in zoro's book, but he couldn't settle for anything less. had usopp come along with nothing to say for himself, casually, like nothing ever happened, zoro wouldn't have been able to accept it.
and usopp isn't half as close to him as sanji is.
granted, zoro isn't placing all of his crewmates on a scale of importance to him. if asked, he'd likely say that everyone is equal in his eyes, even if that isn't entirely true. everyone is important to him and entitled to his protection, but he has attachments and feelings like anyone else. he'd be hard-pressed to admit a thing like that, though, and what he's doing now doesn't count. admitting the way he needs sanji, making it clear that his world doesn't work unless sanji is in it, that's something separate from the rest of their crew. what he and sanji have is different. anyone can see that.
zoro's hands abandon sanji's shirt and hold onto his face instead, the grip being too gentle to be a grab, but too firm to be considered caressing. it's something in the middle, harsh but mindful. his dumb, shitty facial hair prickles beneath zoro's fingers. )
Why do you feel as if you have to deal with any of that alone? ( more importantly, how could zoro be blind to sanji's insecurities? they all have things they need to improve on, but what kind of doubt is this? how hollow is sanji feeling inside? ) When you're feeling unworthy, look at yourself the way I see you! Tell me when you're feeling bad so I can tell you all the ways you're stupid, and horny, and perverted, and strong, and that I need you!
( it's not impossible to do it alone, but how could zoro ever be happy knowing that his crewmate gave up his dream for his sake? if sanji wants to talk about knowing people, he should know that would never work. he should know that his crew loves him so much that they'd never be okay with a sacrifice like that, because they care about his dreams and his happiness as much as he cares about theirs.
since when did sanji value his own life so lowly? )
...If you do that, if you tell me when you're feeling that way, then I'll forgive you.
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it's not something so easily erased, for all the weight that luffy had been able to release from his shoulders, because those vulnerabilities and insecurities still remain a part of him (βbecause that's who are you areβ). the guilt that followed him in witnessing zoro's lasting anger only confirms the parts of him that still question his worth from time to time, the voice instilled in him that still echo with the cries of a young boy wailing to his wretched father, "i'm sorry i was born weak".
if someone like zoro were to hear those words out of his mouth, would he hate him for it? to hear the person he's trusted most to be his equal to fall into such doubt?
it's only now that sanji even realizes that it's been his fear all this time. ever since he arrived here and faced zoro for the first time since he'd left.
but whatever he'd been afraid of letting zoro for fear of being truly despised, it all withers when zoro takes his face in his hands and says the things that sanji had been needing to hear from him. when sanji feels the heat upon his cheeks, it isn't from the closeness, or the grasp of calloused palms against his skin. it's from having a need that's being met word for word, from learning that for all of his fear of being a burden, the person he'd been afraid of disappointing most isn't turning away.
instead, it's all raw and honest, eye meeting eye, stern and open. ]
Okay. [ he says more quietly, low like a whispered promise.
the last time it'd been like that, zoro had also left him with an unexpected truth (βi want it to be meβ) and sanji hadn't known what to do with it either. though he doesn't kiss him this time (even if his gaze does briefly drift to those lips like the quiet pull that always seems to exist beneath the surface of every confrontation), his hands slide down to his hips, fingers curling into the fabric of zoro's shirt to clutch a bit tighter and reel himself in closer.
because so much of sanji's needs live in physicality. if it isn't the typical fire of battle that arises between them, then his language finds other forms of speaking, such as the way he tips his head forward until the top of it nudges against zoro's, offering the very thing that he's been asked to trust him with β vulnerability. ]
I'll come to you first. And you can tell me all of that again. Just ... don't give up on me until then.
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Yeah... I won't.
( he closes his eye, reveling in that sense of shared warmth. it's more than just thumos; it's something about being known, and being there for someone in the ways he always wished he could be. he wants to ask if sanji is selfish enough to think that he's the only one struggling, if he's the only one facing doubts. like if zoro was strong enough for sanji to place his faith in, he would have never had a reason to leave at all. that's zoro's struggle: not being strong enough for the people who need him. or maybe sanji just didn't believe that he was strong enough, which is somehow worse.
was he giving up on sanji, or was sanji giving up on him?
for them to end up here, both of those things have to be true to some extent, right? once upon a time, zoro might have said something like this can never be repaired after being damaged so deeply. now, he isn't sure.
when he opens his eye to look at sanji, his cheeks are more red than before. there's something more final in his gaze, too. )
...Stay here tonight.
( if sanji strains, he can hear the implied 'i want you to' that isn't being said.
unsurprisingly, zoro hadn't noticed the way sanji's gaze trailed down to his lips and lingered there, but zoro can be a bit dense with those things. it doesn't stop him from looking sanji's lips now, and then kissing them with his whole heart. sanji kissed him first, back in the carriage, and this feels like another of those fighting, competitive spirit things between them. zoro has to deliver, since sanji striked first the last time, and zoro can't wait around for sanji to be the one initiate things every time. sometimes, zoro instigates their fights, too. plus, sanji's an idiot. he probably doesn't even get the obvious things, like the fact that he could have kissed zoro at any point, at any time, and it would have been fine with him.
they haven't done anything at all since that time in the carriage, and it's not as if zoro has spent every single day of charm school thinking about it in a completely normal, uninterested sort of way. if anyone asked, he'd say he hadn't thought about it at all. but with the way he kisses sanji now, of course he's thought about it. chances are it's the only thing he's thought about, more than swords and sake combined. zoro has thought about the feeling of sanji's mouth on his the same way that sanji thinks about women: respectfully, mostly. )
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he doesn't assume this is the end of it. they'll find another reason to argue again, whether about this or about something petty and inconsequential, but it does feel like he'd been pried free from at least one of his many shackles still gripping him down, and likely what had been the heaviest one as of late. though he still owes it to zoro to prove his trust in him, to rely on the strength that he's always so freely offered to him to lean against, the existence of its invitation is enough to calm the living storm in his heart tonight.
when zoro asks him to stay, he peers up to meet his gaze, no words from his lips even if he already has his answer.
it doesn't matter that they've stayed together in the same room countless times before, numerous nights crammed together in a cabin with the rest of their boys, feet kicking faces while still dozing, mumbled dreams about food and candy and machines all stemming from different voices as they try to catch as much sleep before the early sun, before sanji rises an hour before everyone else just to have breakfast ready by the time all their eyes open.
the difference here is that it's zoro asking, a willingness in his quiet voice, an honest want that sanji isn't left with too much time to consider before the collision of lips keep any sound from leaving him at all.
things in the carriage had happened so suddenly and unexpectedly that sanji had left it with the insistence in pretending it'd never happened at all, aware that sorting out the implications would leave him swirling about amidst his determined reluctance to admit the way he'd allowed it all to happen without much resistance. especially since it'd been his mouth that had first found zoro's then, making the entire thing a lot more complicated to untangle. but if he'd spent any time through his days at the charm school cursing his choices then, there's really no hint of it now, giving in to zoro's kiss as if he'd been starved for it.
the way he kisses him back might suggest that his previous mirrored confession of "i want it to be you" bears a lot more weight even now, especially now, when he knows it's zoro who sees him, who he wants to see him, for all the broken pieces he'd been too frightened to show. just as he wants zoro to see himself for more than just his strength and power, for those raw open wounds to be just as willingly shared in reverse, for their trust to mean exactly as they intended it.
he sighs against his lips, almost in relief, be it from the kiss itself or simply the accumulation of everything else building up to this moment. his fingers clutch tighter now, low at his back, digging against the fabric to grip at the muscle beneath β craving touch, contact, closeness β pulling him in until he can't be pulled any closer. it's the answer to his request β stay here tonight β as he nestles his chest in tightly, mouth meeting mouth to match equal yearning, making it clear that he has no intentions on going anywhere. ]
[Action] Hehehehehehe
Anyway, it's been a while, but he happens to ... not run into Sanji, but pass him by while he's asking the citizens of Andovale about this mystery woman. And how is he meant to resist? ]
Ah, you're looking for someone?
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but as cute as she'd been, sanji had already decided he couldn't get married here, not while he's committed to returning to his crew at the end of all of this. leading her on with marriage β well, that's about the worst thing he could do to a woman! which is why he needed to find her and beg for her forgiveness while clearing up the misunderstanding.
except, no matter where he seemed to go, he couldn't actually find her. even as he spoke the name ginko to everyone he asked, no one had ever seemed to have heard of anyone called that.
he's frowning, lighting up a new cigarette now that the previous one has become nothing but a stub, before he's raising his gaze in seeing a familiar face. ]
Oh, it's you. [ he shrugs. ] A woman. I doubt you'd know her.
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[ That sure sounds different from the fawning he did at Sanji over the network that one time ........ ]
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[ well, sanji had barely been giving him much attention, his mind preoccupied with his search and his gaze attentive to his cigarette, but he looks up with that sudden line of questioning, his curly brow furrowing with a scoff from his mouth. ]
Of course they do. I'm a gentleman. What, you sayin' you're a ladies man now?
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[ No, he's not sure why he's doing this. The point of this whole thing was to laugh at Sanji realising Ginko was a man all alone, and now he's just saying a bunch of crap instead. It's not like he actually cares. ]
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[ oi, oi, now that's absolutely uncalled for! he expects this kind of sass back from zoro, but no need to rub in his woman troubles! ]
What do you know!? This woman wants to marry me! She wouldn't run!
[ so much for trying to keep that on the down low. ]
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No she doesn't! You think someone would agree to marry you in less than five minutes?
cries i didn't close my big font html 1/2.
[ who the hell does he think he is!? to be judging the way their romance had blossomed so spontaneously and ... and ............. ]
2/2.
Oi. How'd you know about that?
I just thought he was still shouting
'cause I'm Ginko, obviously.
[ Come on, man. ]
tbf ........ yeah
Eh? Oi, you think I'm stupid? You look nothing like her.
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[ What do you mean nothing like her?? This is why it's an insult to take his yukata away from him. ]
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[ so what if they have a few similar features? it's a different person!!!! ]
Back home, there's a guy who's a really ugly version of me. So what if Ginko has something like that too?
[ if you're gonna insult his love life, you get ugly status, gintoki. ]
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Whatever. It's obvious Sanji already understands that he's telling the truth. After all, he knew exactly what happened. ]
I look better than you.
Think really hard about where you ran into Ginko, man. This ain't difficult.
UN: Mr. Bushido | Text
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I SAID I'D NEVER DO A THING TO HER
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IF SHE RAN AWAY, IT'S OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE YOU GROSSED HER OUT
WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST CALL HER TSUKUYO LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!!!
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TAKE A DAMN BATH AND STOP SNORING SO LOUDLY
LEARN SOME DAMN MANNERS WITH A WOMAN ON BOARD
1 / 2
TSUKUYO IS MISSING AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT
SHE DOESN'T WANT ME TO BE ANYTHING LIKE YOU
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we have to find her
she's one of us now
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Of course we have to find her.
What do you think I've been doing all morning?
It's not just Tsu-chan either. All the women are missing.
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( that's less suspicious, somehow. )
you think lady pheme invited them to a midnight ball or something?
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I've heard even the maids have gone missing. Have you seen yours lately?
[ you know β the one that's a direct copy of him. ]
Plus
[ he sighs, reaching into his pocket and rolling aerith's materia between his fingers, feeling the insides of his belly twist anxiously. ]
I found something important to a friend of mine in my room.
She'd never leave it around carelessly like that.
If they left anywhere, it wasn't by choice.
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the longer she's gone, the better it is for me
( but, come to think of it, tsukuyo left behind one of her kunai. at the time, zoro didn't think too much of it. she normally has dozens of those on her person, so missing one isn't such a big deal. she could have just forgotten in when getting ready in the morning.
maybe it's a clue, though. )
did you check the palace?
i'm going there now
pheme has something to do with this
1/2.
Someone mentioned a weird fog over the forest. It might be related.
2/2.
Oi, wait. Don't go anywhere.
I'll circle back and get you.
It'll just take you longer if you go by yourself.
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i'm not going to just sit around and wait for you
i'm already here, anyway
they redecorated things
( they did not redecorate things; zoro just wandered to the wrong building on the wrong side of town. )
plus there's fog here, too
so it's gotta be tied together somehow
this isn't here
For what might be the first time since she arrived here, Aerith walks through the streets of Andovale and doesnβt feel the weighty gaze of the judgemental locals. Nobody cares that sheβs still wearing the shift she had on in the forest because they all look like hell too - and she recognizes enough of them from among the chaos of the party to feel right about assuming that like her, they probably feel like hell as well.
As much as her head aches, she feels grateful that sheβs not alone in that - she wants to disappear into Sanjiβs room and not come out until she feels more like a human being (ha) again - and she doesnβt have it in her to climb through the window. Today, she feels okay about getting away with using the front door, today, everybodyβs got a headache. ]
Sanjiβ
[ Itβs wail, and itβs a croak and a whimper too - every weak and mournful tone her voice can have jumbling together when she drags herself inside, swinging the door closed behind her before calling his name.
Likening this feeling to being hit with a terrible cold, Aerith knows if she lets herself linger, sheβs not going to be able to move again without effort, so she keeps right on plodding through the boat, familiar enough with the layout to find her way to his room with relative ease. ]
Sanji, let me sleep over?
neither is this
he definitely hasn't forgotten any of the events either, at least he doesn't think so, recalling daring things spoken, significant promises made, promiscuous acts performed β it's all a swirl of simply too much that he hasn't even had the ample time allowed to decide whether some of it is worth regretting or not.
right now, all he cares about is getting clean.
he's in his room, stripping himself of last night's clothes, catching peeks in the mirror of all the markings that assure nothing had been a dream, not with the evidence of love bites and scratches along his neck and collar, some carrying over to his back β and not all created by one solitary person, either.
kicking off his trousers, he sighs, standing there in the middle of his room trying to navigate through the headache as he peers around the space, looking for his towel so he can wrap it around himself before heading to the bath.
before he gets a chance to, he hears the call of his name somewhere else on the boat, confusion slow to unravel itself in his mind, knowing for sure it isn't tsukuyo's voice (and definitely not zoro's), but not quite sure why he would be hearing aerith here, no matter how well he knows the voice to be hers. it's what keeps himself on a delay by the time she does reach his room, quick enough to catch him standing in the middle of it, naked from head to toe. ]
Aerith-chan ... ? [ he blinks at her, brain slowly reconfiguring itself before he acknowledges his current lack of wear. considering their history of how much she's seen him naked, there's no reason to feel modest about it, but a red tint still spreads on his cheeks anyway as his hands move to cup over his crotch for a makeshift censoring. ] I was just β I was about to β [ wait, she asked a question. ] Of course you can! I mean β you ... want to stay here?
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Of course, I do. That's okay, right?
[ She wants to think it's okay, and if she were less achy she might figure out why he seems so bewildered by her turning up like this, but even at her most sober, Aerith works to not think about the parts they play in one another's lives too heavily. Coming over to recover is not the same thing as seeing him on sunny afternoons that usually end as the daylight shining in from his bedroom window begins to fade.
Too tired to feed into the quiet urge to hesitate, Aerith reaches for her shift, pulling it off before tossing it aside for good. Like him, her skin's marked here and there with lovebites and a few scratches, and, like him, she stops and looks at herself when her reflection in his mirror catches her eye. ]
Yikes. [ Reaching up, she fluffs her hair, turning back to him with a squinty look of dismay. ] I promise next time I come over, I'll look better than I do now.
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Of course it's oβ
[ he barely gets an answer out before he's watching her strip off her shift, eyes following the fabric unveil the fully naked skin underneath. it really doesn't matter how many times he's seen it; his eyes still reshape themselves into a pair of thumping hearts as the rest of his body flushes all over from the sight of her every every curve beautifully exposed.
when she turns to look at him, he only barely manages to collect himself, lips cheesing into an affection smile with natural ease. ]
What do you mean? You're always looking beau-ti-ful as ever, Aerith-chan~ β‘
[ he's not even hiding the way his eyes admire her from head to toe, heart pounding delightfully at all that naked flesh. it doesn't matter that he's seen it before, that he'd gotten to enjoy it plenty out in the woods not too long ago, and that some of those love bites on her skin now happen to give credit to his mouth, he never gets tired of looking at her. ]
I was about to jump into a bath now, if you ... wanted to join me?
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Please. [ She's wincing and giggling as she steps closer to him and wraps her arms around his neck, as though hugging him might stop him. ]
You always make me feel beautiful, but, don't make me laugh Sanji, my head.
[ It's not like her to whine, but she can't help how pitiful she both looks and sounds, hanging onto him and squinting up with a tired frown. The warmth in her chest over being welcome here outside of their afternoons doesn't let her look that woeful for long, and the mere mention of the bath is enough to make her absolutely light up. ]
I'm not sure about jumping anywhere until I get some sleep, but I'd really like that.
[ A bath - even one without Sanji - sounds nothing short of healing to Aerith right now, and she smiles at him, tired but intensely appreciative, her thoughts already drifting to how nice it would feel to have him lay back in her arms, or wash his hair. Aerith's arms tighten around him, getting onto her toes and kissing his cheek before she lets him go in favor of grabbing his hand so they can head to the bathroom together. ]
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though he's happy to hear her giggle, when she breaks out the whimper, his expression relaxes into a more concerning one, even as he still manages a tiny smile, more fond now than the previous excited one. ]
Ah! I'm sorry. I'll make sure we take care of that head of yours.
[ once she's hugging him, the wrap of her arms around him seems to relax him away from his modesty, bringing his hands up to squeeze gently around her biceps as he leans down to press his lips to the top of her hair.
when she grabs for his hand, he'd normally be all too eager to immediately make the trip, but he clutches her fingers to halt her. ]
Wait β [ he looks around his room, searching among the pile of his clothes in the corner before reaching over with his free hand to grab at the towel he'd been looking for earlier, tucking it to her body to try to wrap it around her. ] If Marimo's out there, I can't let his dumb eyes look all over you like this.
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Don't worry. I'll protect you.
[ She peers around his side, turning her head to kiss his arm before bumping his hip with hers, keeping him close and shielded. ]
Alright, let's go!
[ They've maneuvered one another in stranger ways before, after all. This sort of, conga-line situation isn't any more complex than the way he kept her off her feet in that greenhouse. Of course, at that time neither of them was nursing nasty hangovers, but she is happy to lean into Sanji and keep both of them under the towel the whole shambling way into the bathroom. ]
I'm happy you don't mind that I came over Sanji.
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feeling the soft press of her breasts to his back already has him in a fit of giddiness, lips tightening to try to hide his excited smile. ]
My hero. [ he says playfully with a heap of affection, before beginning to move his feet carefully to try to find a rhythm in how they move together.
the ship isn't so large that it'll be a long walk to the bath but when he opens the door to his room again, he does peer around to see if either of his boatmates happen to be around before he starts to lead them to the room containing the freestanding tub. ]
Why would I ever mind, Aerith-chan? I'm always happy for any chance I can steal you away.
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By the time they get through the next door leading to the bath she's figured out how to settle against his back without tripping them both up, the arm around his middle tightening in a brief hug before she lets him go, now that they're both safe from prying eyes. ]
That's right! I am very impressive, aren't I?
[ She peers around his side giving him a wink as she tosses his own words back at him before stepping back to hang the towel up, privately pleased that the bath looks big enough that she won't have to worry about making a mess when she inevitably starts moving around in the water in another bid for closeness. As delightful as that thought is, the tub itself isn't as engrossing as Aerith's making it out to be, looking it over instead of at Sanji while she figures out what to say. ]
Oh? Are you sure about that? [ Teasing is easier than a straight answer, and Aerith's good at reaching for that light, playful tone of voice, perching on the edge of the bathtub as she finally turns to meet his eye. ]
If you're not careful our afternoons will turn into evenings too.
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luckily, aerith is at his back during their little trip to the bath that it gives him a little time to cope with his flustered face, the feeling of flowers blossoming from his cheeks lasting the entire trip it takes to get there. except, when they do get there and she takes a seat at the edge of the tub, it just gives him another reason to stand there stunned and red in the face.
for a moment, he's caught between the look of it, radiant and so very beautifully naked, and the things that are coming out of her mouth, thrilled by the concept of her visits lasting longer than they have in the brief past. ]
Is that a promisβah! Stop that! You look like a glowing bath angel right now!
[ the stop that seems to reference nothing at all since it's really nothing that aerith is doing except merely sitting there, his eyes dancing with hearts all over again. even the hangover won't stop his helpless reactions, though there's a chance, it might just be making it worse.
ultimately, he covers his eyes with a hand, using memory to move about, as he steps over to the other side of the tub to find the collection of bottles set beside it, peeking between his fingers to look for the proper soap. ]
I have no idea how I'm supposed to focus with you looking so stunning.
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At least until he calls her a glowing bath angel, and she starts laughing, wincing from the way it makes her head ache all over again, even as his words (however weird they are) make her blush, the sight of him feeling his way around the room, eyes covered doing no favors to her efforts to stop giggling. ]
Well, you look like a tall, beautiful kitchen angel!
[ Despite the pain in her head, Aerith is smiling as she slips off her bangles, leaving them in a neat pile save for the thin silver one holding her healing magic before ushering herself into the bath, silently grateful his retainer already went through the work of filling the tub. ]
What's there to focus on? [ The water sloshes gently when she lifts her arms, holding them open while she looks at Sanji expectantly. ]
Come here!
[ The corners of her eyes crease with the force of the grin on her face, obviously looking forward to the idea of getting to wrap around him. ]
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he's pouring soap from the bottle into the tub, hand still blocking the side of his face where he'd be able to see her in the corner of his eye, when the water begins to slosh about and he can see her legs beneath the surface. it finally convinces him to lower down his hand again, a worthwhile action to be able to see the way she stretches her arms out to him, looking as cute as ever. ]
Aerith-chaaaan!
[ his eye is notably sparkling yet again, because she strikes at his heart in looking like the purest most beautiful thing he's ever been so lucky to stare at.
oh, to hell with it, how could he resist!?
one long leg loops over the side of the tub, into the water that's beginning to bubble before he climbs in with the other and sits down with bent knees, reaching with his arms between them to snag her at her sides, tugging her forward to his body to bundle her in a hug. ]
My gorgeous goddess bath angel! β‘
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The wide, stupid smile on her face is evident when she lifts her chin and lets her cheek press against his, tilting her head up so she can kiss his temple before she leans back and meets his gaze, her bright eyes warm with affection. Wet fingers lift out of the water and comb through his hair, pushing it back from his face so she can look at him properly. ]
Now who's the gorgeous bath angel?
[ Aerith already knows the answer to that (him), so she doesn't bother to wait for a reply. Leaning in she kisses him square in the middle of the forehead before her lips find the tip of his nose, either cheek, and finally, his mouth. The hand that's been toying with his hair moves to his cheek, cradling the side of his face while the pad of her thumb traces over his jaw. ]
Come on, turn around and lay back, I want to heal you.
[ Curaga isn't exactly a hangover cure, but it'll take the edge off, and, maybe not-so-secretly, she likes the thought of feeling him resting against her while she takes care of him.
She shifts, her back resting against the side of the tub, and raises her eyebrows at him expectantly, the portrait of a woman on a mission to spoon. ]
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when she pulls back to peer at him, he's still got his charmed and goofy face on, prepared to answer her question with a "you, of course! β‘" before the kiss to his forehead softens his expression, plenty as his skin warms with every soft brush of her lips.
he doesn't move as she grants him each kiss, up until one lands on his mouth and he leans in just enough to return the sweetness of that peck, lips spreading into a wider smile as she caresses his face. ]
You've already healed me in ways you hardly know.
[ it might fall into the category of more exaggerated compliments, but it's spoken with even more sincerity, his smile lighter and sweeter as he merely looks at her for a long moment before he finally breaks out into a chuckle, turning his body around and sliding back to rest himself against her chest, head lightly pressing against her collar. ]
This is heavenly.
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[ Maybe heal isn't the word for it, but that he's seen the most terrible parts of her past and hasn't treated her like a weirdo, or some fragile princess who might break and needs to be coddled, means a lot in ways she lacks the words (or maybe just the courage) to express. He's special to her. She wasn't broken and he didn't fix her, and she wasn't wounded, so he didn't heal her, but there were cracks in her heart that don't feel quite as raw as they used to, like a vase that shattered and been pieced back together with its faultlines sealed in gold.
After Sanji settles against her, one arm slips across his chest, hugging her closer to him while her legs join the effort, wrapping around his hips and stretching out, her ankles bumping his shins, just as affectionate as the rest of her.
There's a moment where all she does is hold him with as much of herself as she can manage, concealing her grin in his hair and briefly wondering if she isn't somehow drunk all over again with how giddy she feels just being here.
Her hand moves to the side of his head so she can brush through his hair as a soft green light starts to radiate out from her fingers and sink into him, defanging the bite of his headache as it moves. ]
This isn't what this is for, but, it'll help you feel better.
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closing his eyes, his smile obvious and happy, he could fall asleep right here.
but he blinks when he feels the soothing sensation along the side of his head, the minor ache there, previously subtly throbbing, now beginning to dissolve away. ]
Whatβ? [ he can just slightly catch a glimpse of that green light, but there isn't a moment where he even considers to move himself away from it, having full trust in aerith for whatever it is she happens to be doing. besides, it feels ... nice. ] When you said heal, I didn't know you meant ... [ literally. ] How're you doing that?
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Maybe I'm magic.
[ A wry smile curves its way over her lips at the question, and she lets the light taper off so she can stretch her arm out and give her arm a shake, gently jostling the bangle around it, the lone green orb fixed into it catching the light as she moves. ]
It's healing materia. I left it on so I could take care of you.
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That's ... materia?
[ he has no idea at all what that word alone means, but he's more caught up in staring at the orb itself, thoughtful for a moment like it's seemingly familiar somehow ... ]
Oh! [ he jolts, sitting up suddenly as he slightly turns, trying to face her. ] Your marble! [ well, not a marble. as she's now explained. materia. ] The white one! I have it.
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[ He sits up with a start and Aerith does the same, her brow furrowing in confusion before she connects the dots and laughs at the description, reaching out to rest her hands and on his shoulders again, delighted by the rush of relief that runs through her, knowing it's safe and sound. ]
That's wonderful news! I thought it was gone forever when I couldn't find it at home.
[ She thought it would be with the hair ribbon Zack found, if anything, but, in it's own weird Andovale way, it makes sense that something that precious to her ended up in Sanji's care.
Leaning forward, she presses a kiss to his shoulder before settling back against the tub, gently tugging him to lay against her. ]
It was my mother's. [ He might remember her from such nightmarish visions as - being trapped in a crate full of dead women. ] It doesn't do anything like the ones in my bracelets, but just having it means the world to me.
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It was at my bedside when you disappeared. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get it back to you.
[ he was worried about a lot of other things, about her, but that seemed just as essential. there's even a letter still left somewhere sharing that sentiment.
at her encouragement, he finally wills himself to relax again, easing his body back once more to rest upon her chest, allowing himself to sigh and relax without the need to jolt himself out of it again. instead, he listens to her words, staring at the water quietly as she makes mention of her mother.
of course he remembers. it's impossible to forget the way they'd met, how they turned nightmares into something beautiful by the end of it all. ]
Then I'm even more relieved you're able to get it back. [ he takes one of her hands from his body, brushing his fingers against her palm as he brings it up to his mouth, kiss light upon her knuckle. ] I'd give anything to have something of mine. I couldn't take anything with me when I left that place. [ he doesn't even have a photograph of her anymore. it'd all been too sudden. ] But I kept it protected for you.
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I don't know if there's anyone else I'd want to look after it. I know you understand.
[ Warmth lingers in her voice, but it's taken on a somber note too, a chill she tries to chase away by turning her head so that she can press kisses against his hair before adding an almost sullen-soundingβ ] Wish you didn't.
[ He's so bright and full of joy, that he's been exposed to things worse than what she's endured in the Shinra Building will always hurt her heart, even though she's grateful for the way these experiences have left them both able to see and understand one another in a way she's not sure she's had before. He should have a picture of his mother. They both should.
Weary as she is it might have been easy to let herself dwell, but despite the dark topic, it's also wonderful to be here like this, wrapping around him in the comforting confines of a hot bath, the bridge of her nose nuzzling his hair, the notion that she can linger here and get to watch him make her breakfast softening the sharper edges of her thoughts. Everything just clicks into place when she's with him. ]
How will I pay you back? [ Clearly a rhetorical question given the way she kisses the back of his head and immediately follows it up. ] I'll just have to protect you.
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i know you understand. and how deeply he does. it might be that because he does, he feels that much closer to her now, the way their nightmares had been peeled so explicitly in front of one another when they'd only barely known each other's names.
his eyes remain closed in just taking in this moment now, in taking in her, the softness of her breathing as it flutters against his hair, her nose a gentle nuzzle that somehow leaves the rest of him warm, more so than the warmth of the water around him. if he could just stay here like this, to make it last, to quiet the rest of his priorities that would take him home and far away from her, to pretend that he could take her up in his arms and carry her with him to the all blue β
it's her words then that coaxes his eyes back open. ]
Eh? [ he blinks, he leans back, shifting his head to rest on her shoulder as he tries to peer back at her. ] You'll protect me?
[ how often is he the only proclaiming his status as protector, always keen to look out for the women in his life, never expecting the reverse, never wanting the reverse, because what it means to become a burden to someone else. ]
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You can't be the only person keeping what's precious to me safe.
[ What else can she promise him? Beyond this strange pocket between universes are worlds teeming with obligations and roads that remain unwalked but not forgotten. She would promise him anything he asked, and having that sense of certainty about Sanji comes with its own weight.
And maybe that's the price tag of loving like this, and once she's home, she'll regret returning without her heart, but deep down, Aerith knows that could never be true. He can have it - he already does. ]
Sanjiβ [ Aerith continues, voice low and warm as damp fingers trace the side of his face, grazing the slight dimple on his cheek with the pad of her thumb. ]
Stop trying to have all the fun.
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sometimes he's left to wonder how aerith could summon all of those things to easily fill his heart up with them, to make him feel so belonging to another person (even when he knows the impossibility of it).
her thumb grazes his dimple and it coaxes him to put on a smile, deepening the little curve further, before he reaches up to take her wrist, tilting his head to press his lips to the heel of her palm. ]
If it's you, how could I ever say no?
[ he sinks a little more into the water, further allowing him to rest on her even more so that he's practically looking up at her now. ]
You can protect me, Aerith-chan. And in exchange β you let me do anything for you. Because I would. There isn't anything I wouldn't give to make sure you keep that smile.
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With Sanji, there won't be years of waiting, no questions and letters unanswered - here is what they have - here is all they have. This tub and the familiar weight of his body against hers as he sinks down further and let's himself rest against her, the silly, exhilarating feeling that comes when his smile grows and he's left kissing the heel of her palm - it's enough. She'll take it with her. ]
You don't have to do anything for that to happen, Sanji.
[ She likes this angle and the way it lets her take in every flash and glint of happiness on his face, she likes that the way he always stares gives her the freedom to do the same thing. It's impossible to commit a whole person to memory but damn if she doesn't want to try. ]
Just this.
[ And she'll even smile as she says it to prove it, even if the whole truth is more than she can ask for and he could ever give. ]
a video message sent late at night, late july
Sanji! [ She sounds as bright and excited as she would be seeing him in the flesh, and indeed it's the thought of all the times she has that runs through her mind, making her almost light up from within. ]
I... [ Everything. Everything to the point that it feels like there's a traffic jam on the back of her tongue, all the things she feels and wants to say fighting to be voiced first, tripping over themselves and coming out as the boiled down plain and simple truth that links all the other truths about him together. ] I hope you're always happy.
[ Her gaze darts past the communicator and towards the person who's been holding it and she laughs, slurring out a 'What?!' and reaching off screen for a bottle before the message cuts off abruptly. ]