( generally speaking, zoro would define himself is a man without much to say. he isn't overly forthcoming with his words when there's no reason for it. he isn't boisterous and he isn't open, not like his captain. that isn't his role in things. there's enough of that already. even in their ragtag crew, everything has its place. if it doesn't seem that way from the outside, you're not looking closely enough.
that's why sharing his thoughts so freely before is something of an anomaly for him. he can name off the people on his crew who have a right to be so emotional, so reckless with their thoughts, and he isn't among them. zoro is discipline... yet he can't bring himself to regret his words. he only doesn't like how impassioned they were. it makes it seems as if he cares about the cook and whether he stays or goes.
he doesn't. and if he does, it's not for personal reasons. it's not because he cares; it's because luffy cares.
when you join a crew, you make an oath. the fact that sanji went back on that isn't the problem; it's the fact that he disobeyed luffy. there's no room for anything else. there's no room in his mind. there's no room in his heart. there's no place for feeling anything that isn't his goals and the goals of his captain. that's it.
that's it. that's— )
I lost my faith in you.
( ...it's going to come out from some other place, then. )
You're not the man I thought you were.
( he didn't agree for those words to pass into the air. )
I'm going to cut away every part until I find a man I can trust beneath the surface.
( it's happening of its own accord, apparently. if he shoves a hilt between his teeth, will that stop the sound? ...no. this loud part of him is just going to talk around it. three swords feel like home, [a bit like sanji may have at one point], one in each hand, one on his tongue, easy and controlled. as it should be. he'll survive this. )
Until then, don't even think about offering me your food. I won't eat it!
( as zoro rushes him, he's sure he means it. he thinks of every great meal made by sanji's hands, and he slashes their image in half against the very real figure of sanji here in the present. there's structure. there's always structure when zoro fights, but there's no relief. he's not letting up, not giving sanji a chance to back out [again] and run away [again] and abandon him [again] to defend a crew all on his own. sanji is going to face him, look the consequences of his actions in the eye, and bleed for them. )
[ sanji already faced luffy on the battlefield, confronted by the other man's insistence to not put up his own fight, stubbornness triumphing in the face of sanji's insistence to come through with his own sacrifice. his own pursuit to avoid being a burden to his crew had instead opposed the reality, one where the bottom of his heel had slammed against his own captain's teeth and all of his intentions had proven to be a reflection on more of what he had tried to grow away from — the fate of his own uselessness.
he knows where luffy stands, knows that despite the weight of his own flaws, his captain would smile brightly, showing off that newly missing tooth and say "that's just how you are", as if everything sanji had wanted to bury in the ground had been exactly what he needed to grip tightly to all along.
and that had been that — except it wasn't.
because proving himself to luffy isn't proving himself to zoro. for all that zoro follows every bit of luffy's beliefs and faith, there's the sliver of an exception where zoro simply doesn't forgive, because even with every vow of "anything for my captain", sanji's aware that beneath the loyal pride of a first mate is also a man who stands on his own values. with zoro, everything is for luffy, but not everything is luffy, and it's that part that stands before him now on the field, the part that speaks out a rare honesty, the part that tests him in this fight, the part that's all raw strength and skin and sharp metal.
because sanji already knows luffy's words. these aren't his. he already knows the rest of their crew has accepted him back. this isn't their test.
this fight isn't about their crew, about their captain, about their nakama. this is about them.
this is about zoro and sanji. ]
Then I'll show you exactly who I am.
[ because sanji is no longer buried under the weight of his past, drowning himself in the flood of his own excuses, pitying himself for his lack of worth, but he hasn't yet shown zoro. he isn't forgiven for his doubt, for his betrayal, but apologies don't come from words. they come from the way his own feet begin to race against the dirt as zoro charges forward, his own body rushing to meet him halfway. it's spoken in the burning flame that bursts around his legs before he pushes his weight through the air, letting the focused pressure of haki at his knee clash against the strong, exerted force of metal, the impact stretching out from their collision across the field of grass around them like a storm. ]
no subject
that's why sharing his thoughts so freely before is something of an anomaly for him. he can name off the people on his crew who have a right to be so emotional, so reckless with their thoughts, and he isn't among them. zoro is discipline... yet he can't bring himself to regret his words. he only doesn't like how impassioned they were. it makes it seems as if he cares about the cook and whether he stays or goes.
he doesn't.
and if he does, it's not for personal reasons.
it's not because he cares; it's because luffy cares.
when you join a crew, you make an oath. the fact that sanji went back on that isn't the problem; it's the fact that he disobeyed luffy. there's no room for anything else. there's no room in his mind. there's no room in his heart. there's no place for feeling anything that isn't his goals and the goals of his captain. that's it.
that's it. that's— )
I lost my faith in you.
( ...it's going to come out from some other place, then. )
You're not the man I thought you were.
( he didn't agree for those words to pass into the air. )
I'm going to cut away every part until I find a man I can trust beneath the surface.
( it's happening of its own accord, apparently. if he shoves a hilt between his teeth, will that stop the sound? ...no. this loud part of him is just going to talk around it. three swords feel like home, [a bit like sanji may have at one point], one in each hand, one on his tongue, easy and controlled. as it should be. he'll survive this. )
Until then, don't even think about offering me your food. I won't eat it!
( as zoro rushes him, he's sure he means it. he thinks of every great meal made by sanji's hands, and he slashes their image in half against the very real figure of sanji here in the present. there's structure. there's always structure when zoro fights, but there's no relief. he's not letting up, not giving sanji a chance to back out [again] and run away [again] and abandon him [again] to defend a crew all on his own. sanji is going to face him, look the consequences of his actions in the eye, and bleed for them. )
no subject
he knows where luffy stands, knows that despite the weight of his own flaws, his captain would smile brightly, showing off that newly missing tooth and say "that's just how you are", as if everything sanji had wanted to bury in the ground had been exactly what he needed to grip tightly to all along.
and that had been that — except it wasn't.
because proving himself to luffy isn't proving himself to zoro. for all that zoro follows every bit of luffy's beliefs and faith, there's the sliver of an exception where zoro simply doesn't forgive, because even with every vow of "anything for my captain", sanji's aware that beneath the loyal pride of a first mate is also a man who stands on his own values. with zoro, everything is for luffy, but not everything is luffy, and it's that part that stands before him now on the field, the part that speaks out a rare honesty, the part that tests him in this fight, the part that's all raw strength and skin and sharp metal.
because sanji already knows luffy's words. these aren't his. he already knows the rest of their crew has accepted him back. this isn't their test.
this fight isn't about their crew, about their captain, about their nakama. this is about them.
this is about zoro and sanji. ]
Then I'll show you exactly who I am.
[ because sanji is no longer buried under the weight of his past, drowning himself in the flood of his own excuses, pitying himself for his lack of worth, but he hasn't yet shown zoro. he isn't forgiven for his doubt, for his betrayal, but apologies don't come from words. they come from the way his own feet begin to race against the dirt as zoro charges forward, his own body rushing to meet him halfway. it's spoken in the burning flame that bursts around his legs before he pushes his weight through the air, letting the focused pressure of haki at his knee clash against the strong, exerted force of metal, the impact stretching out from their collision across the field of grass around them like a storm. ]